Classification of Indians in Malaysia
SharePosted on 15. Mar, 2007 by Gallivanter in Life
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If you’re an Indian and easily offended, please go away and come again another day. Else, you could always write to Samy Vellu or his toupee to complain about this entry. Hahahaha!
Here are the 3 MAJOR Indian groups in Malaysia. Ready?
1) The REGULARs
Comprises a mere 7-10% of the total population of Indians in Malaysia. Found in well-developed parts of the cities spread throughout the peninsular. None have been found in Sabah & Sarawak as yet, cause usually they’d shift to the peninsular before they hit puberty.
Characteristics:
1. English as their 1st language.
2. Do not know how to (or just dont) speak their mother tongue.
3. Prefer to identify themselves by sub-group like malayalee, ceylonese, sikh, north indian etc.
4. Uses the internet more than the other 2 groups combined.
5. Swears off, criticises and ridicule those who watch tamil/hindi movies and/or dramas.
6. Instead, watches Travel & Living, MTV, AXN, Starworld and English sitcoms, and able to understand them with ease.
7. Thinks that the REGULAR group is way larger than it actually is and constantly makes fun of the other groups, in particular the MACHA group. (Why? Because it’s fun!)
8. Aspires to be a doctor. Those who do medicine will eventually do so at UK/Australia/Manipal, but will normally end up taking more than the required 5 years to complete the degree due to excessive failure.
9. Despises Samy Vellu.
Recent studies have shown that there is a growing splinter group within the REGULARs known as the IPWIC (Indian People With Identity Crisis). This growing sub-group is considered the elitist by some and is found to make the occasional statements like “I wish I were in the UK ” and/or “This never happened when I was studying in Australia “. They often speak in unidentifiable accents. The women/men of this group also prefer to date white men/women from foreign countries with the excuse that local men/women “just don’t understand me”. Many secretly desire to be taken away to live in a Bollywood film with a happily-ever-after ending.
2) The HIP-HOPPERs
The 2nd major group of Indians, the HIP-HOPPERS comprises about20-30% of the population of Indians. Normally living in urban areas of cities, the HIP-HOPPERS, as their name suggests, can never be found where they actually come from, but rather in clubs, bars, pubs etc. Many secretly desire to be like the REGULARS but just don’t make the cut. Try asking a hip-hopper if he/she’s a Regular, Hip-hopper or Macha. They’d say, “dei, I’m a Regular!”
Characteristics:
1. TRY to speak English as their 1st language.
2. Their actual 1st language is Tamil.
3. Openly desire to be blacks (waddap dawg?)
4. Usually tend to start they ‘english’ conversation with the word “DEI”
5. Hair not in original colour
6. Have unknown hand movements and slangs that are supposedly cool that supposedly go well together with their normal attire of FUBU jerseys and baggy jeans (that are more often than not bought in Petaling Street/ChowKit)
7. Are famously known to shorten their names to suit their lifestyles
ie. Sam, for Muthusamy
Amber for Ambikadevy
Van for Thevandran
8. Large quantities (almost all) found in Jalan Telawi of Bangsar (though, to be fair, many REGULAR groups are found here too, but the clothing tells them apart, you wont miss it.)
9. Love Yogi-B/Nachatra more than ChakraSonic.
10. Parents want them to be doctors. Many end up studying medicine in Russia/Ukraine because they refuse to go to India and cannot afford UK/Australia. Those who go to India may eventually switch camps to the MACHA group.
12. Despises Samy Vellu when they dont get study loans.
The HIP-HOPPERS major ‘claim to fame’ is driving out all the REGULARs (Malay, Chinese & Indian) and the white expatriates from Bangsar by large quantities, so much so that they can now call Bangsar “home”. Damansara & Hartamas are now like Zion for the Regulars.
3) The MACHA’s
The last and largest group of Indians in the country comes from the MACHA group. Probably the most famous group, it is so well known that most Malaysians think ALL Indians are from the MACHA group. Comprising nearly 70% of the Indian population in M’sia, the MACHAS can be found in urban parts of the cities, and also in estates.
Characteristics:
1. Speaks Tamil as their 1st language.
2. Usually think that Indians who cant speak Tamil should commit suicide.
3. Sees Tamil Nadu/Madras (India) as the most happening on earth.
4. Astro at home is hardwired to Astro Vaanavil and Sun TV.
5. Worship Kollywood films. The men openly desire to be like Vijayakanth.
6. A night-out will have to include a stop at any Indian shop in
Brickfields.
7. The shopping haven will have to be Jalan Masjid India.
8. Know all the Tamil songs by heart and has never heard of Hitz.FM or Fly FM.
9. For men, outfit is never complete without a gold chain.
10. Women prefer to spend their life-savings on gold jewelry and gaudy sarees.
11. Half of them aspire to be doctors; the other half, their parents want them to be doctors. 12. Most just drop-out of school and contribute to social-problem areas in the country.
13. Prefer ChakraSonic over Yogi-B/Nachatra
14. Loves Samy Vellu.
15. Klang is currently their HQ, though they operate independently in Sentul, Kajang and Sungai Petani.
There have been recent studies that Machas are best for work like being a bouncer, police and bodyguards. The rest are in jail.
I would like to thank Brokenstarfish for this forward. Hahahahaha! 
Jemima
Mar 15th, 2007
Thank You!!!
Now, I know what Macha is. Always hear it on the radio… someone always rings up & calls the DJ that. :p
Broken Starfish
Mar 15th, 2007
No worries.. errr.. macha? LOL
tihtahpah
Mar 15th, 2007
hahahahaa…this is good stuff, errrrr, Mr. REgular????
susie_q
Mar 15th, 2007
hahahaha… good one macha!!!
Mo
Mar 15th, 2007
dai macha… saukiem ma?
Gallivanter
Mar 15th, 2007
Jemima Well, that I wouldn’t know cause I gave up on radio a loooong time ago…
Broken Starfish I can’t thank you enough for this forward!
tihtahpah Errr…number 3 and 8 doesn’t apply to me.
susie_q Thank Brokenstarfish for this!
Mo What the hell? Me no understand…speak-a-ter Inglese…
dJ phuturecybersonique
Mar 15th, 2007
strangely familiar to audi mok’s chinese post back in 2004 at http://batdude.blogspot.com/2004/02/while-having-lunch-with-co-bat-this.html
Gallivanter
Mar 15th, 2007
dJ phuturecybersonique Yes, I can see the similarities…well I’m sure each race has this segmentation…hahaha! Thanks for the link!
huei
Mar 15th, 2007
which one r u? heheh
suanie
Mar 15th, 2007
hahahahahhahaa that was funny
should send this material to russell peters 
Gallivanter
Mar 15th, 2007
huei I’m lost. Haha!
suanie Whatever happened to that comedian? I’ve only seen THAT one skit.
suanie
Mar 15th, 2007
he got famous and youtube removed the video..
apparently a ticket to see him in spore cost S$500
yipguseng
Mar 15th, 2007
first time leaving comment here but, holy shit! who would think of Amber is actually for Ambikadevy! lolz
cely
Mar 15th, 2007
dan for daniel~
Eh… this one definitely hilarious.
Yea, pretty similar to the chinese one .. kekeke
Gallivanter
Mar 15th, 2007
suanie Wow, that’s more expensive than most concerts. Would rather visit the Zoo.
yipguseng Welcome welcome.
You know any Amber?
cely It is, isn’t it? I laughed out loud when I read this!
suanie
Mar 15th, 2007
Okay my bad. I just did some homework, it was only S$100. Damn those rumour mongers
Keropok
Mar 15th, 2007
Can’t argue with much of it, over and above some inaccuracies (I’m a regular – no, really… I am) who speaks his mother tongue pretty well, but I admit there’s no use for the language. Can’t be bothered to teach it to my kids.
tihtahpah
Mar 15th, 2007
yo cely, write something similar for chinese people/…
Gallivanter
Mar 15th, 2007
suanie
I think a pub in Malaysia should look at this – hire guest comedians who visit Malaysia, like that Lebanese “billionaire”. 
Keropok I can’t speak the language to save my life. You’re right, what’s the point of passing it to the future generation.
tihtahpah There’s a list already, the previous comments.
sabrina
Mar 15th, 2007
Hahahahaha….this was so funny!
But Klang as their HQ (you know i have to say something!)…certain parts of Klang only la, macha!
Chapree Da Grande
Mar 15th, 2007
Damnit, I just fell off the chair reading a joke at Rojaks, now this one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *fell off the chair*
yipguseng
Mar 15th, 2007
yup, Amber Chia! haha
Lex
Mar 15th, 2007
LMAO!!!! hahahahhaa… I’m classified under the Regulars but minus 8, I’m hated for that by my ceylonese relatives..pfft I quote Khoo Kay Khim on this, “if you are a ceylonese and want to go to heaven, you should be either a doctor, engineer or lawyer…”LMAO!
and Mo asked how are you lahh…
I think Russell Peters was banned in Msia since our government doesn’t really have a good sense of humour.
Gallivanter
Mar 15th, 2007
sabrina If anyone from Klang reads this, I’ll be in a spot of bother…
Chapree Da Grande *picks him up* There there, have a Kilkenny…
yipguseng Ambikadevy Chia la…hahaha!
Lex Eh, are you sure you’re not from the hip hoppers or machas group ah? Aren’t you staying in old KLANG road? Hahahahahaha!
Sunil
Mar 16th, 2007
LMAO. Seriously hilarious btw The Macha’s invading the Regular’s hangout in Hartamas. Where will you hang out now Dan? :p
Moses
Mar 16th, 2007
Hhahaa..funny.
Reminds me of Sasi the Don and Yogi B
Gallivanter
Mar 16th, 2007
Sunil I’ve been bumming at home these last few weeks, since I can’t touch booze til Easter.
I think now, the regulars hang out at Heritage Row… 
Moses
And it’s so true!
Mo
Mar 21st, 2007
is Lex short for lecthumy??
Gallivanter
Mar 21st, 2007
Mo Hahahahahahaha!! Yes yes, how can I forget this. I think it’s Lexwary or something. LOL. Nice one Mo!
surfer
Apr 29th, 2007
Who says there is not even one single Indian in Sarawak or Sabah ?
LifeJuicer
Dec 31st, 2008
“Usually think that Indians who cant speak Tamil should commit suicide.”
this actually confirms my suspicion towards my regular husband whom speak malay to the macha contractor. i don’t know about committing suicide but macha probably shaking his head over this.
LifeJuicer’s last blog post..Where Are You Christmas?