The fact is that women generally don’t want nice guys. Why? Because women act on impulse and emotion rather than fact.

Some do realized they are falling for one but the fun and challenges are way more interesting than being with a good guy. just know ur limits and not to fall too hard with the bad guy shud be fine, atleast for me.

it’s true that love takes hard work, but being appreciated and happy should be one of the foundations of the relationship in the first place. so in that sense, i agree with rudy in that, the environment (as in what is deemed as “good” or acceptable to society), people around us, and experiences are the factors that shape a person, and in this regard, allowing the person to be an emotional masochist. it’s simple to blame god for this but really, take a short moment and think about your past, and we may find some sort of similarity in terms of experiences and thoughts & views that have played its part in shaping you and your current viewpoint.

rudy: kudos to you on this 1st article. i think it’s still a fairly winding road in terms of having women making proactive and positive choices about their lives, irregardless of a difficult situation or society’s perceptions. it’s about self belief and most importantly, self love – to acknowledge and respect one’s self, to realize that we can have better because we deserve better and to believe that we can make mistakes, but we learn from them because that’s what makes us human. it’s not about continuing the cycle of hurting one’s self. it’s about acceptance and as mentioned, ultimately, believing & loving yourself.

Cofferox…I kept putting myself in disastrous relationships and I stayed single for about 3-4 years before my current boyfriend. In those 3-4 years I studied a lot to figure out why I kept ending up with negative results…there is this saying “If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always gotten…” I think this is why I wanted my first article to be this subject, to bring awareness…I want to see women standing strong and making proactive choices instead of being a result of a negative situation…

*hugs*

I know it is an insight… and I appreciate the fact that it is theoretical… after all how did all our psychology and anthropology books were written?

to be perfectly honest, I have been single for the past 4 years… for the sole conscious reason of not falling into the emotional masochist cycle again… after awhile it gets really tiring…

Somwhere along all the comments above… I forgot which one, someone mentioned we unconsciously fall into it because we are insecure… or like I said, we want to be the lion tamer… we delusionalise ourselves to believe that the struggles in the relationship will only make it stronger… it was for this reason alone I stuck by a very disastrous relationship for more than a year.

jsut something to ponder in the midst of these discussion… Does God really make us that complicated or do we bring it on ourselves!?

^__^

And I know that I’m gonna be like this forever
I’m never gonna be what I should
And you think that I’ll be bad for just a little while
But I know that I’ll be bad for good
I know that I’ll be bad for good
I know that I’ll be bad for good

– Jim Steinman

What is “technomen”?

i was just thinking, it’s funny girls like them bad boys, because at the end, they get hurt, and in the midst of the relationship, they put all their effort in trying to make this bad boy a good boy. so why then do girls even bother going through the step of being with a bad boy, only to end up with a good guy?

well, it’s simple. bad boys are fun, have lotsa spunk, and just live life a little more out of the box. yes, it makes things a lot more fun, but they lack most of all the important things people hold near: communication, sincerity, honesty, having a person who is genuine and true – basically the things that form any sort of lasting relationship.

about girls being emotional masochists…well, let’s look at what most teenagers go through then they’re young. apart from the obvious, being the increase in hormones, growing breasts, the increasing obsession with being the “right” size with right assets with the right fashion sense, having the “right” mentality, girls have it pretty rough, much more than men, i believe. being girls, they get teased by both girls and guys about anything under the sun: you’re fat, you dress weird, you act weird, you have no boobs, you speak funny, you wear your hair funny…. you know what i mean, it can pretty much be anything under the sun, because as teenagers that’s what we do.

fair or not, that’s just how it works. it would take an amazing girl to be able to withstand all that peer and societal pressure on what is deemed to be “acceptable.” it’s not right, in fact it’s so wrong, but it’s the reality of how it’s like in high school. at the same time, these girls are also figuring out who they are, battling issues with themselves, maybe even their parents and of course their emotional roller coaster with someone they fancy.

women today, i believe have become emotional masochists without realizing it to some degree, but if you look at this closely, some girls are as such willingly as well. how many girls have gone out with bad boys, knowing that them bastards will hurt them, or have hurt them, but yet stay with them? why? is it a willingness on their part as well? perhaps the hope they may influence this guy to make him better? regardless, girls should also trust themselves more to stand up for what they believe, what they hold true and of course i’m not saying you should change your man. but make him understand, make him listen (which i know can sometimes be difficult), and hopefully, he can be understanding and adjust accordingly.

having said all this, it is understandably difficult for girls to really find themselves, let alone accept themselves for who they are during a time when there’s so much happening around them, physically, emotionally and personally. it’s hard. and we as guys would never understand that, because… well, we’re guys!

bad boys has always been something i believe universally most firls can say thay they’ve gone through; it’s fun, exciting, full of life (and bitter disappointments), it’s true that it’s once heck of a ride. but what do you get in the end? an experience, be it good or bad, you get the experience.

i mean, to speak the manner we are doing so now is very different than before because we’ve come of age (at least i would like to think we have). we’ve gone through all that crap and miraculously come out alright, actually, wouldn’t you think so, rudy? i’m not saying it was a great time we had in high school, but what’s important is that we’ve learned that what it was like in high is pretty close to nothing like what we envisioned our future would be.

this, of course would not make sense to your average teenager today, because they won’t get it. you can ask most of the girls our age now how it was like in high school way then, the peer pressure, the emotional ups and downs and they’ll agree that it’s nothing like how it is now. but, i suppose what we need to acknowledge is what we’ve learned, how we’ve grown and matured. i mean, that’s what it’s all about: learning from your experiences.

it is disheartening that some people value themselves on the manner in which they’re accepted or perceived by others, but yet it’s understandable as it is a difficult time when you’re say ,13 or 14. women have grown today to take on more dominant roles in companies, however, there has still been very little development on the mentality of society towards women in general. as such, how can we expect women to trust and believe their own worth and value? what you get is this: women who are emotional masochists because most of how they value themselves is how society (being mostly a male dominated view unfortunately) views and manages women.

but i suppose what’s important is what we learn from these life lessons. it’s not what these experiences speak about who you are, it’s about what you make of these experiences, wouldn’t you agree?

why allow these perceptions and/or experiences affect you? i’m not saying this out of defence for the male attitude because honestly, we men have a long way to go. yeah, we have them metrosexuals and now even technosexuals, but that has not helped the manner in which they think, which is what’s most important. but as i mentioned, we’ve a long, long way to go and this is true for all cultures, not only the asian culture although we have that much to work on compared to our western counterparts.

i like sexy good boys ahahaha .__.

thing is, why take the step of going out with a bad boy only to turn him into a good boy at the end? i mean, ultimately, most girls like how bad boys think, react and present themselves. however, ultimately, most girls still value important things such as being genuine, trust, communication, honesty and did i say trust? trust is probably one of the least likely traits bad boys would have.

i admit i was not the epitome of a good boy when i was young; however, as we go through life and its many shit holes, we learn (or at least we hope we do) to be better. after all, isn’t that what one would generally define as maturity?

i agree that for the most part, especially when young, girls go through a more difficult time than us guys. there’s all them hormones, then you start to grow breast, you’re trying to be accepted in some “cool” cliques, you become a fashion victim… i mean, the list is endless. in some way, it seems like girls feel they have to succumb to society’s accepted perceptions and values of what makes a girl say, attractive, smart or what say you.

but thing is, are those girls happy? is the person that they’re striving to be who they want to be? are they happy with who they’ve tried so hard to be? i doubt very much that they are. if you ask most of the girls who are now say 30 about their experiences when they were much younger, i’m quite certain you’ll get answers whereby, yes, they underwent peer pressure, the need to fit in and be accepted, but really, they were not happy.

it’s understandable that one’s teen years are a difficult period as acceptance becomes as very big part of one’s life, and being still very immature, most cannot see the irrelevance that such acceptance means when they are older. but you know what, is short, that’s life.

we all go through it. we’ve all had a sometimes rough time during our teenage years, so let’s be thankful we did not turn out as fucked up as we thought we’d be.

and for them girls who are emotionally masochistic as you say, heck if they deem that as being acceptable and it makes them happy then, let them go through it and learn, and hopefully they’ll mature from that experience

To clarify…this article was not about bad boys per se…I was using the responses of being with bad boy and good boy to delve into the human psyche on why there seem to be more bad than good. I used this survey to see how people would answer and by the answers alone it provided me an impression of the general mindset. But it’s just an impression, I wanted to know more.

I had this theory (based on also my experiences and talking to A LOT of people from all types of backgrounds and lifestyles) that people who have insecurities and don’t know how to manage them would go for the negative almost all the time, the most interesting part is that there is hardly any awareness of it…we know it as “it’s bad luck, or I don’t deserve any luck”. I don’t believe in luck I believe that the results of our lives and who we develop into is based on choice, albeit subconsciously or consciously. I was hoping to increase awareness to all men and women alike to look within themselves to see if they are making choices based on if it is good for them or bad for them. If we are suffering from emotional masochism and if we are aware of it, maybe survival instincts would kick in to think of how we can stop the cycle. Regret is probably the worst thing you can have hanging over your head.

Since this is a theory and I myself am not a Doctor I was hoping to start a discussion forum about this. Maybe I have seen too many people stuck in this state of going with the bad and not realizing it that maybe a discussion would bring some awareness…dunno…it was just an effort…

Maybe I have been watching too many rerun episodes of Frasier LOL

However it does overgeneralise men. Eg, I know a bad boy who volunteers at a children’s home over the weekends… and a geeky quiet guy who is into swinging… go figure!

i think all of us – guys and girls alike we have both tendencies – just depends which one we want to play up…

^__^

“He Who Knows Others Is Wise. He Who Knows Himself Is Enlightened.” – Tao Te Ching
“He who knows others is wise; He who knows himself is enlightened”. -Lao Tzu
“Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories.” – Sun Tzu

Maybe it’s a conspiracy…

“He who knows himself is enlightened.” wasn’t that San Tzu?