As you know, having loss my dad at the age of 9, forced maturity out of me. In a way, it made me treasure the sacrifices of women even more, and throughout my life, I’ve always respected women in general.
Though I now own a condominium, the thought of leaving my mom (although she has remarried) is beyond me. I sometimes sense that the main purpose of her decision to re-marry (1993, and I can see it in her eyes), that it was more for securing a future for me and my brother.
I have have been struggling to come to terms of my dad’s demise even though it’s been 21 years already, I feel like my house is not my home anymore. I was once a straight A student, and horizontally healthy.
If dad was alive, I’m pretty certain I would’ve moved out ages ago, as I’m barely breathing from the lack of freedom and privacy. My brother has a fiery character, thus a major fallout ensued with step-dad which resulted in him leaving home, and subsequently left me with no option. I simply cannot abandon mom.
What are your thoughts on this?
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July 25th, 2007 at 1:03am
Cherish and treasure the love ones beside you..
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July 25th, 2007 at 7:51am
i’m kinda gripped by the same thoughts too. but then i guess it is TIME for us to move on. i guess to strike a balance is important. Specifically i mean, to move out for sure. But sat and sun nites, you ought to come back and have dinner with ur mom- just so that she knows you’re not abandoning her…but still very much there for her. most of my sisters do that. they come home during the weekends just so we can have a family dinner and SOME interactions. i think my mom and dad come into terms with that already. that they need to let go and we have to learn to let go too. that’s why family dinners are very important for me. it’s something my parents look forward to. din matter where it was.
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July 25th, 2007 at 9:01am
I think it’s a very Asian thing to live with your parents well into adulthood and you know what? It’s an Asian sentiment I’m very proud to be a part of. Personally, I look forward to having my own place but I’m also not ashamed to say, I wouldn’t mind my parents living across the street ala ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, heh heh.
I don’t think you’re ‘abandoning’ your mum by moving out, because it certainly sounds like she’s always at the top of your list - even if you moved across the planet! When i have kids one day, I hope they’ll feel the same way about me. Have a talk with her, you might be surprised.
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July 25th, 2007 at 9:02am
As much as I love my parents, to be honest, I simply can’t wait to move out. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but being away from them for a bit (e.g. 3 years in the UK, and 1 year in Japan), makes me appreciate them more. Being in the same house as them just drives me nuts; the incessant nagging, the restriction on freedom (not that I go out much, but I’d like to be able to without having to report home every couple of hours), etc. I’ll be moving out next year to Australia, and yeah, I’m looking forward to it, but I know I’ll be missing them very much regardless. Sigh. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.
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July 25th, 2007 at 9:25am
I’ve been living on my own for almost 5 years now (by circumstance, not by choice). Distance does make the heart fonder! As long as you know your priorities, you should be alright.
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July 25th, 2007 at 10:17am
one fine day, you’re going to have to move out unless you plan to stay with your mom forever. I am a mother, and it pains me to think of my kids moving away from me more than 2 feet! but ne day, you’ll have to move away….have your own life, your own space. so, dont feel guilty. it’s part and parcel of life, man!
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July 25th, 2007 at 10:58am
everyone’s said it - but i know where you’re coming at - no matter what, you are ur moms emotional support - just make sure u let her know ur moving out doesn’t imply that you’re leaving her - take her out see her often - as u said one of the reasons she remarried was to give u boys ur independance so don’t feel guilty - u dont have to be with her for her to know u love her
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July 25th, 2007 at 11:10am
yup..it’s true..i guess i grew up after my dad left when i was 17..just can’t be the spoilt kid anymore
things are abit unfair for me though…I’M the one that have to stay with my mum since my bros are married..sigh..
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July 25th, 2007 at 11:39am
i have no problem leaving, but the idea of being far from mom’s home cook meal made me stay if possible.
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July 25th, 2007 at 11:39am
Unless she is unhappy with life with your new stepdad, I think she would kind of expect you to move out and get on with your life.
I think most parents would prefer to have their kids stay with them forever (I sure would and my kids are still babies!) but in a way it is good to give parents some space for themselves to live their own lives, explore their own interests, instead of still having to look after the children (even if the said children are already adults with families of their own), which parents will do as long as the kids are still at home.
But as one of the commenter said, talk it out with her and read between her words.
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July 25th, 2007 at 11:52am
My parents are everything to me being away so much makes me really miss them. But I do see where being around them every single day might be a bit of a pain.
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July 25th, 2007 at 11:53am
yar..think u should discuss with ur mom. u definitely have to move out (u must have got that figured out or else you wouldnt have purchased that place), but work out the logistics of it so that you still see her every week.
i know many good sons and daughters take their mom and dad out for breakfasts, or dinners, or shopping or just simply for tea or doing chores for them even after they move out.
There’s many solutions to this, but i guess talking about it helps.
my mom comes back to kl once a month to spend time with us. i try to have dinner with my dad once a week now. my 2 sisters are in kl and singapore, but few times in a year we meet up for family gatherings and trips.
trips are good too. have an annual trip with ur mom and the whole family. ought to drag ur brother too. up to u to talk to ur brother.
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July 25th, 2007 at 1:25pm
Love living with them but cannot tahan if they start to nag. Aiyoooooooo…
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July 25th, 2007 at 4:38pm
Alamak, Dan… i almost din recoqnize u. Anyway, try talk to her. For me I would love to have my parents, i Mean my mom staying with me but in my case, she’s the one said you go out, get married and stay with yer wife without us there. I purposely bought big house so they can stay with me but no no no mom said. You have wife to take care and we have ours to live.
So Dan, my advice, if any help, talk to her and get her into the decision. AS Melissa said, you probably be surprised with her answer. All the best, my friend.
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July 25th, 2007 at 5:18pm
There’s no place like home.. even though you have already bought your own condo.
She will miss you if you move..
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July 25th, 2007 at 5:42pm
Hi Daniel,
Just want to share a personal experience.
I grew up being very close to my parents (particularly my mum). But I have been living on my own for the last 4 years.
Trust me,its at this point your entire definition of ‘home’ is completely redefined. It truly becomes a place where your heart is (not just a place you live in).
Being the passionate person that you are I’m sure you’ll take much care of the slightest detail of your home. Every bit of would be an extension of ‘you’. The sense of satisfaction that you’ll derive from that alone is beyond anything I can describe.
Putting together your own home may even heal the void that has been left – it sure did for me.
I honestly believe that this is a stage that everyone should (if possible) experience. It’s a point where your no longer living in the home your parents made for your and its before living in the home made for your own family. This is the point where it’s simply ‘you’.
And if you decide so, I’m sure your mum to come to understand that this is something you truly need, its definitely not going to be easy on her (or you) but she will understand – and you’ll noticed she’ll began to appreciate you and you her at a whole new level as well. Trust me, the relationship only grows stronger. ?
Go ahead Daniel, turn your condo into your home.
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July 25th, 2007 at 6:06pm
as much as mama bird love her chicks… when the time is right.. when the chicks have grown wings… it is time to fly….
she has to let go… so do you.
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July 25th, 2007 at 6:26pm
although im juz a student, but i guess moving out is a good idea, you can still visit her twice or thrice a week. im sure the location is nearby yah?maybe sometimes she can come over n stay overnite at your condo. distance may be far but bonds cant be broken.
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July 26th, 2007 at 4:55pm
if you’re feeling torn apart about moving out then it’s probably not the right time to do so.
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July 27th, 2007 at 4:38pm
I guess it has to feel right when you do make a decision.
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July 29th, 2007 at 12:28am
agreed with Nyx. Anyhow, Bt 3 is not that far away
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