10 Manhood Rules
SharePosted on 26. Dec, 2008 by Gallivanter in Gender
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’ car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.
We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”
We hope this clears up any confusion.
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
Christopher
Dec 26th, 2008
That’s a long list bro..and i’m afraid i have broken some…
Christopher’s last blog post..Lavender Bistro again….
|1f34|-|1r3
Dec 26th, 2008
This is my best part : Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
i talked to my gf for hours..wow..i’m guess i’m something then..haha
anyway, i thought i was 10….unless i don’t know how to count,there’s 28 there…LOL
|1f34|-|1r3’s last blog post..HOT : Thunder Cats The Movie trailer released !
Rozella
Dec 26th, 2008
Hahahaha I think I should seriously consider changing my preference!
Rozella’s last blog post..Holiday Wish
sriyany
Dec 26th, 2008
LOL. The last part abt guts vs balls is hilarious! And i sooo agree with No. 24
sriyany’s last blog post..Top 10 Lines by Women
foongpc
Dec 26th, 2008
Haha! Very funny! I thought it’s 10 manhood rules, but ended up with 28? : )
foongpc’s last blog post..My Christmas Dinner
desmond-t
Dec 26th, 2008
wahaha highlighting..” when she is using her teeth”
OUCH!
Anyway, feliz navidad and have a joyous New 2009!
Daniel Ng
Dec 26th, 2008
OMG! THIS IS SO HILARIOUS AND SO TRUE! LOVE IT!
Kill your gym buddies if he said to you, “yeah, baby, push it, c’mon, give me one more! harder!” KILL HIM!
Daniel Ng’s last blog post..Wishing You A Merry Christmas……
kristie
Dec 27th, 2008
hahaha good one! thanks for making my day with this…
kristie’s last blog post..Have a Blessed Christmas!
Nick Phillips
Dec 28th, 2008
Under no circumstances should a man even carry an umbrella let alone share it with another man! LOL!
I love this ‘10′ manhood rules … LOL!
Nick Phillips’s last blog post..Over And Done With …
Izad
Dec 29th, 2008
LOL good one
*subconscious crotch grab*
claire bennet
Dec 30th, 2008
my goat…..hahahahhahha very funny..sy sgt terhibur! hahahha
endroo G
Jan 1st, 2009
i’m not gonna cry when Angelina Jolie start unbuttoning her blouse….. why would I or any other men cry?
Happy 2009.
endroo G’s last blog post..Happy New Year 2009
Flo
Jan 3rd, 2009
f*ck these all! haha. objection objection!!
Gallivanter
Jan 4th, 2009
Yeah, the 10 manhood rules was a satire for those 28 rules. LOL!
satkuru
Jan 5th, 2009
hahahahaha this got me chuckling, LOL
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’ car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.
btw happy new year