Share
Posted on 08. Sep, 2009 by Gallivanter in Humor
Marriage commandments
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven.
But then again, so is thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least a 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said .
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.
That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, ‘It really works!
This is too funny that I had to share it. Hopefully none of you get offended. 
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least a 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Tags: attention, beautiful, chemistry, commandment, cook, divorce, Heaven, incomplete, law, listen, marriage, one, open, sleep, thinking, years
coloevee
Sep 8th, 2009
Commandment 5 & 7. LOL!
Nadia
Sep 8th, 2009
hahahaa.. very2 funny.. like it especially the last commandment.. do you guys really feel that way??
Mimi
Sep 8th, 2009
Those commandments are somehow true! Hehehe… I like no 8.. Goes to show that you can’t have the best of both worlds!
Nick Phillips
Sep 8th, 2009
Hahaha! They’re so true la … hopefully my wife doesn’t read this comment or I’ll be sleeping in the hall tonight … hahaha!
wel
Sep 8th, 2009
haha..this is soooo sooo funny and true..hehe..i like no 4..haha
chegu carol
Sep 8th, 2009
ROFL!
Mel, no 8, apa yg ko kurang?
I am no good cook cos hubby has certainly stole it from me. He’s the man!
tekkaus
Sep 8th, 2009
War…so many commandment? I like the last one. Once we were married…we are finished! Doom! Kaput! LOL
Mell_f
Sep 8th, 2009
Like the saying that goes “love is blind,marriage is an eye opener” *run away*
Gallivanter
Sep 8th, 2009
coloevee –
Nadia – No, of course not. Check back with me after my marriage.
Mimi – True true, unless maybe if the law allows you to marry 4?
Nick Phillips – Better in the hall that on the streets.
wel –
chegu carol – I can’t cook but I can eat. As for Mel, I better not say anything, else I will be sleeping in the hall tonight.
tekkaus – And I’ve heard that from many men who are married. But of course, there are a few who are happily finished.
Mell_f – Eh, where you running, buka puasa ka?
Alv0808
Sep 8th, 2009
Daniel..where you got all this? heehee..is the last commandment true? hehhe
bosscat
Sep 8th, 2009
“Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.”
no! in malaysia, they allowed FOUR!
flo
Sep 9th, 2009
damn true. lol
Emelda
Sep 9th, 2009
Carol- Dan bilang sia terlalu mahal…LOL!!!
Gallivanter
Sep 10th, 2009
Alv808 – Well, there must be a reason why this list was created.
bosscat – Not only in Malaysia!
flo –
Emelda – Iya, lubang pantat sia koyak sudah mau maintain, tapi demi cinta, biarlah lubang sia sebesar negeri Sabah.
jen
Oct 2nd, 2009
Hahaa..this is so funny! Thanks for sharing =)