Women Giving up Their Surnames After Marriage
Posted on 09. Nov, 2009 by Gallivanter in Relationship
What is your take on that? Usually after marriage, women almost always give up their surnames instead of men.
The latest “trend” is the double-surnames, but I think it is not practical. Take for example, my future wife. If she adopted this approach, then she’d be introducing herself as Emelda Vincent-Gomez. 2 male names for a lady. I don’t think it sounds right.
Why are women so willing to give up their surnames? I think marriage is understood to be a new social status for them. I don’t think this applies to Islam for some reason I don’t know and don’t really care.
Do you lose your identity when you change your surname? Surely it is not convenient at all as you have to change a whole bunch of official documentation. Is it just a mindless tradition accepted by society?
For me, I don’t mind if Mel decides to maintain her status quo as Emelda Vincent, or decide to adopt my surname to become Emelda Gomez. To me, it’s just a name on paper as she will always be dear to me.
Women, what are your thoughts?
Amanda
Nov 9th, 2009
hm…imma keep my surname. if i marry my boyfriend, i’d be Amanda Janiuh, no more Amanda Wong. Eck. And doing the double surname is out of the question. Wong-Janiuh. Really? So yeah, not giving it up. At least Vincent-Gomez sounds “normal”.
earthy emily
Nov 9th, 2009
Isn’t it the western culture adopting husband’s surname? And double surnames? Why do we even wanna do that? It doesn’t change anything. A wife is still a wife despite changing or adding her surname. IMHO.
Diarmuid Curran
Nov 9th, 2009
I always thought it would be nice if the girls born took their mothers maiden name, and the boys followed the male line. Its mainly a historical thing, and surnames are a way of showing a clan/family identity to make it easier to identify relatives. Immediately, we see the implications of that. Franklin-Gomez in Malaysia certainly identicates Eurasian or Portuguese Melaccan ancestry. Emelda Vincents surname, is certainly Eurasian, but we can also tell it is Christian.
Amongst the Malays/Muslims, but they all follow a Patronomic line, with the name changing every generation. Tunku Abdul Rahman suggested that all Malaysians adopt a surname, so that the identity of common ancestors could be easily traced at a future time. In time, it will be seen that it would have been a wise move, something along the lines of “Of the house of Rahman”, or “Of Kampung Baru”, or “Of Perak”, where a Great Grandfather or dead ancestor could be found in generations to come, and people who met by accident in a Coffee shop would realise that they are distantly related. With intermarriage, and the loss (often) of a previous cultural identity, a Malaysian surname act could be a crucial legal reform, which may facilitate the acceptance of Islam, rather than having it seen as a state imposed imposition, although I dislike the state imposed sanction for conversion in the case of a marriage. It seems somewhat totalitarian to a westerner like me. It would also, over time, dilute the racial divisions if there was freedom of religion. People accept things willingly when they are not forced to do them. In other words, Chin, Wong, Mohan, Payne, Curran, Gomez, Vincent, Abdullah, would gradually become surnames in Malaysian society, but the colours would fade away with intermarriage and intermixing. It makes for a better society, and its happening in the likes of America and Australia already as culture and religion and bigotry are seen more as obstacles to progress and the opening of minds.
The Indians also seem to follow the patronomic line also, Balasubramaniar A/k Gunananthan, and that switches when he has children.
To the chinese however, because of ancestor worship, family identity is of the highest importance.
Depending on political and religious stability, ancestry can be traced back up to 800 years in European countries. In Asia, we’d be lucky to trace anyones ancestry beyond 300 years, and perhaps the powers that be want to keep it that way, thus ensuring that the villains become heroes, that the sons of Javanese pirates become Datuks, and that the sons of Ah Longs become the chairmen of Banks.
Tine
Nov 9th, 2009
When I moved to Australia after I got married, a lot of people assumed my last name to be my husband’s, when it fact, it’s mine. It’s not that I don’t love my husband, or being married, but I think I shouldn’t have to give up that part of me which, I think, still belonged to the people who brought me up with love. Instead of Mrs So and So, I retained a Ms. Nothing wrong with that at all.
sweetie~
Nov 9th, 2009
i think i’d love the double surname….mmm
sweetie~
Nov 9th, 2009
reasons:
1. i dont want to lose my root
2. i’m proud to be married to my husband….hehe
3. in case anything happen in the future….then not so difficult to ‘reclaim’ myself…huhu
Nick Phillips
Nov 9th, 2009
I never ever actually thought about this until you posted about it. I’m okay with it either way cos like you said, it’s only a name on a paper.
ladyviral
Nov 9th, 2009
Doesn’t bother me anyway. I still know myself
. Besides, my husband doesn’t bother either hahaha.
Alv0808
Nov 9th, 2009
I keep my name unless my future husband ask me to change it. In that case, I’ll take double surname..
chegu carol
Nov 9th, 2009
i am still caroline charles even after i become mrs alvin ting. but having 8 ppl with the exact same name in Sabah alone and once had a bank called me telling ive delayed my car loan payment for 2 months when i dont even own a car yet (later, it was cleared, it was a different person) plus a few encounters involving my name, i sometimes thought it would be a good idea.
cicak
Nov 9th, 2009
I think taking surnames after marriage is just a matter of personal preference, no?
IMO keeping the family name is cool.
Daniel Chiam
Nov 9th, 2009
Quite interesting. As a male, I too dont mind about the choice that my future wife would make. but if i were to be put into a female shoes, then i would still keep my surname no matter what. I know its just a name and changing it wont change a thing about ourself but having a chinese blood in me, i think the name really define who i am, what i am, and where i came from.
Once an aunty told me to drop my surname and use a more local surname so that it would be easier for me to apply to local uni, get a job with the govt and so on, but for me i think its ridiculous, because it just shows how narrow minded these people are. you dont just leave your heritage and identity behind just because you want an easy way to get to the top. sorry, rambling thoughts there..
Mimi
Nov 9th, 2009
Like Nick, this issue never crossed my mind.. Furthermore, being Islam.. I don’t really have the choice or even preference to begin with. But I ALWAYS have problem with my full name because it’s so masculine that I am so close to changing it to just Mimi.. but that will definitely hurt my dad’s feeling.
BTW, I also question why people change their names when they convert to Islam.. Is it compulsory?
Jewelle
Nov 9th, 2009
As you know, I’m one who does the double surname thing. Its more to show that I am now a part of another family (his). My choice. It’s also unofficial as on all official document, I am still using my original name.
dena
Nov 9th, 2009
Hmm..up to the individual preference I think, but I didnt give up mine. Vicent Gomez still sound right ba, not with Edmund Shanmugam hahaha, funny betul tu
Gallivanter
Nov 9th, 2009
Thank you for all your wonderful comments.
Amanda – I’m not sure what’s normal about double surnames, but I think that’s the only thing I disagree.
earthy emily – Yes, but as much as we want to listen to our voices of reason, we get bitten by society.
Diarmuid Curran – Great comment. We hang out to our surnames to remind us of where we come from, except if you’re ancestors were javanese pirates.
Tine – Cool.
sweetie~ – I don’t know, I think double surnames are a cop-out, a fence sitter. But that’s just me la.
Nick Phillips – Exacto mundo.
ladyviral – That’s the spirit, I’m just trying to understand why some women feel the need to do so though.
Alv0808 – Your future husband shouldn’t ask you to change it, it should be on your own accord. Women are no longer slaves la.
chegu carol – Ah, a practical answer, makes more sense.
cicak – Definitely, but define “personal preference”, I bet you it’s not a literal meaning.
Daniel Chiam – Agreed, keep close to your heritage and culture, but more, hold on to your values.
Mimi – Changing names after converting to Islam isn’t compulsory so to speak, but “encouraged” by Malaysian Muslims – speaking from experience.
Jewelle – Cool. I respect that, though I may not agree with it. Again, that’s just my own personal views.
dena – Edmund Shanmugam? *TRIES HARD NOT TO LAUGH* Sounds like some Klang gangster. I don’t know, I still prefer Mel to either keep her name as Emelda Vincent or go with Emelda Gomez, just no in betweens, because some part of me still feels that it’s a cop-out, but maybe I’ll change my mind about it in the future.
tekkaus
Nov 10th, 2009
I think it depends on the couples and their respective cultures.
babypose
Nov 10th, 2009
cool topic. depends on individual, rather keep mine.
Nadia
Nov 10th, 2009
hihi.. yup it’s doesnt bother anyway, but i think using husband’s name is quite interesting..huahua.. Mrs Nadia Kristalandra?? sounds weird la..hihi
Gallivanter
Nov 10th, 2009
tekkaus – Possibly, but I think culture has to be set aside and let the heart/mind decide.
babypose – Respect.
Nadia – Interesting that it gives a fresh perspective?
Olie
Nov 11th, 2009
Adapting the double surnames like Jewelle mentioned in her post : being a part of his family…
Number two it shows that she’s married.. heh,heh,heh… so when ppl saw her name then they won’t kacau. Self explanatory double surnames..
Plus not only she gets to keep her own surname… she gets to add your surname too… so no stress on her side.
Gallivanter
Nov 11th, 2009
Olie – Is that what society makes us think, that double surnames means you’re part of the family and that she’s married?
WanderingSumandak
Dec 5th, 2009
unofficially, i’d like to be referred to as Mrs. Who (future husband’s surname). officially, i’d like to retain my own surname. it’s only a personal preference actually. i think having a surname generations after generations is a good way to trace back our ancestors. take me for instance, i don’t even know my great grandfather’s name!