I always wondered if my goatee hair goes all white, how will I look and will I keep it? My wife tells me that I look like a small girl when I clean shave, perhaps something for me to fall back on when I hit 50? Haha!

I do have a couple of white hair around the goatee, probably 10 to 15 – while some are out of the goatee range line, some are in, and it’s where I have to resort to scissors to remove them. Sometimes I think hairless men are lucky not to be bothered by such conundrum, but then again, can hairless men be construed as men in the first place?

Where has the time gone? It’s funny how when we’re in our teens, we can’t wait to hit 21 years old, then enjoy 20s to the best that we can, embrace turning 30 then try to hit on the brakes! Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way – you either embrace it or try to fight a losing battle.

I might clean shave when I age as I think having a white hair goatee will look ridiculous and probably be more apt on a goat.

I also have 2 white hair on my chest, but that’s a story for another day!

I was interviewed by NST last Thursday for an article called Childhood Games. The reporter found me while searching through the internet, saw one of my old posts about childhood games, and contacted me for an interview, which I gladly gave.

I had a list of games written down prior to the interview, games I could remember when I played during primary school and in my home neighborhood, the same age when Atari made its way around. We didn’t embrace technology, and continued playing the outdoor games.

Here’s the article in today’s newspaper : http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/12gama/Article

I also introduced the reporter to Carol, who just recently left a comment on one of my posts, about reintroducing these games to a school where she teaches, and introduced her to the NST reporter for some quotes, which you will see at the end of the writeup.

I was thinking about how life has evolved with technology, in a drastic pace. Then I tried to recall my younger days and what I did that kids in this generation will never experience. The little things in life back then meant so much. Quality experiences.

Making a Mix Tape
How many of you have done this? I have, and started when I was 14 years old and continued making mix tapes 6 years later, for myself, for my family and friends. It was fun, trying to compose a tape of songs to deliver your message.

Dodgeball or “Chap-ping”, Konda-Kondi, Galah Panjang etc
What’s not fun about these games growing up? I can’t believe how we enjoyed getting whacked with a tennis ball, before the start of the school session or after the session. When you get hit, it’s your turn to throw at someone to whack as hard as possible. Fun times.

The Internet Dial-up Sound
OK, I don’t think it was a fun experience, but certainly memorable when internet speeds were 14.4k, 28.8k, 56k and you had to dial up to get connected, and get frustrated when you can’t. Life was simpler.

House Phone
Before mobile phones came a blazing towards the late 90s in Malaysia, we relied on home phones. Calling friends to catch up, not knowing who’s calling, arranging for meetups without being late, when time mattered.

Analog Cameras
Film. You had to make sure your shot is good enough without requiring another shot, because film was limited (I think max was 36). Unlike digital camera that encourages you to be carefree, you only have one chance, maybe 2 for the perfect shot.

Geocities
Yes, I remember my first website on Geocities, embedding midi music.

Phone Numbers
How many of us memorize phone numbers these days? I know apart my wife, mom, step-dad and home, I don’t remember the rest. I used to remember quite a lot of home numbers before.

Walkman
Oh yes, the walkman, I remember owning 2 throughout my childhood. The songs were limited.

So many wonderful experiences that kids these days will never experience. However, I have a feeling that a few decades down the road, they too will reminisce about their childhood, when Apple was not a fruit.

I have been called mommy’s boy in the past, but due to the circumstances of not having my dad (passed away in 1986) and being the eldest, I developed a closer bond to her. I never thought there was anything wrong with it, in fact, I was proud. However, it is a subjective relationship as to how much your mom influences your decision.

According to a recent study, men who are close to their moms are more likely to be in healthy monogamous relationships. Why? Well, simple, we have been taking cues from our moms when growing up, and resist stereotypes like being aggressive and not playing the tough-guy by refusing to open up emotionally as adults.

Now that I’m married, and having moved out of the house some 6 years ago, the adage mommy’s boy still applies although she does not influence my decision as she did before.

It depends on the level of bond, but understandably it can get on any girlfriend or wife’s nerves. Some men kow tow left right centre, without any backbone and may come off as giving in too much to his mother.

As men, we need to set boundaries of course, while some of us still remain mommy’s boy, we need to put our relationship with our wives first as we now have new roles to play as the man of the house.

Avoid calling us momma’s boy though, because as men, we still want to be men, although we know that we’re close to our mothers.

Whatever happens, I will always love my mother and her sacrifices to see both me and my younger brother do well in life, especially having to take on the role of being the father as well. She was only a housewife when my dad died in 1986, and I was only 9 years old. For that reason alone, I am proud to be her son and will do all that I can to take care of her in her old age, as to Mel’s mom too.

Family, close family, is everything.

Friends come in all sizes, packages, critique – the works. Some are more toxic than others, and for these toxic friends, it will damage your self esteem too. What are TOXIC FRIENDS? Here’s my take:

1. Faultfinder Franny

They are always critical about you – overly critical. It’s not easy to ignore but if it upsets you to the point of thinking of revenge, walk away.

2. Advice Giver Annie

A friend that gives you just too many bloody advice. You can either tell the person that you don’t need advice unless you ask, or just turn the tables, and show the person how annoying this trait can be. While it’s not a major toxic to be around them, it’s still best to keep your distance.

3. Copy Cat Suren

I know the term, “imitation is the highest form of flattery”, and experienced it first-hand when a friend of mine starting to imitate me (during my college days). I tried to keep things more to myself, but I managed to indirectly tell him of his habit and he stopped. If a person continues to imitate you, end the friendship before it gets creepy.

4. Talk Cock Sing Song Isaac

I had a friend in college, a classmate (not the same person as the copy cat), and he was famous for not keeping up to his promises, and withdrawing at the last minute with stupid excuses. Over a period, I lowered my expectations, and basically told him straight to his face. He continued, and guess what I did to the friendship? I abandoned ship.

5. Bloodsucker Beth

My wife has a friend who is overly dependent on emotional support, but in the end sucked her blood too. It is very draining, and I told her to set boundaries with the friend before it affects her too. If the friend’s worth the hassle, yes by all means, but if you notice a change of behavior in yourself, end the friendship.

6. Backstabber Bailey

This one’s tricky. If you know the person’s been spreading lies about you, if you confront, it could be a bigger problem. The best is to stay away, severe ties and move on. Once a backstabber’s always a backstabber.

7. Negative Ninny

You’re not a therapist to be helping others. Sure, you probably feel sorry, but if you cannot stay positive with his person around, then don’t bother. The trait is very contagious, and negative ninny preys on positive people. End the friendship.

This is one of my favorite blogs for years and I can relate to many of her posts. Tihtahpah is a highly recommended blog. I asked her to guest post for me and this is her entry, enjoy reading! – Gallivanter

Right now, I’m feeling rather disappointed by a friend who’s just sat down with me complaining about the mother’s kelam-kabutness in preparation of his father’s death. The dad is currently critical although still mentally strong. Well, it’s an uncomfortable subject but it’s something that we all need to go through, and really I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to comment to my friend what he should or should not do. It’s just that, I would expect some sensitivity and a little faith in the mother who has raised him and the other siblings , and this is just another hurdle a family needs to go through that should be handled together as a family.

It’s an uncomfortable subject that is least explored. Whether to cremate or bury? How would the medical expenses be dealt, pool money or parents’ money? Has all the ownership for properties, cars, bank accounts been transferred? Where is the plot of land for burial? Is there a will? This is an inevitable exercise that we all go through and well, at least, there is time for him to make arrangements, what about those who has to deal with sudden deaths in the family?

As a woman, I see the mom’s reluctance to pursue a conversation on the mechanics and documentation of all these things. The mother is about to lose her partner in life, husband, and her sense of security, god knows what is running through her mind. Whether the children would take care of her or not, or would she then have to make arrangements to live on her own. Also the fact that the father is still alive, in her mind right now is probably doing her utmost to keep the husband alive. Well, of course, she’s going to be kelam kabut. Who can be prepared for these kind of things.

I just expected more from him as the child. It’s easy to criticize your mother who is a housewife , that she is ignorant and messed up, but I would give more credit to a woman who has toiled years raising her children. I would also expect a little sensitivity.

Have we all impose too much of our work ethics into our lives? Does everything need an SOP ? Does everything has to be black and white? I’m not yet a mother, but I would be disappointed if my child keeps pestering me about my husband’s property if he’s at his deathbed! Wouldn’t you?

It is unfortunate but it is reality. I’m not sure how I’d handle my own children in the future, as you won’t be able to control external factors from affecting their behavior. I don’t know if kids are learning to swear from watching TV, but I’m guessing it’s real life from observing their parents swear or people in general curse.

It’s not easy trying to implement a rule at home about swearing when parents themselves become hypocrites and break their own rules. Think about it, wouldn’t your child be confused?

Swearing, is no trivial matter, because if a child swears like there’s no tomorrow, it will have significant impact on their lives growing up. They might believe that swearing reduces the bad feelings of pain, after observing people.

I think as teenagers, we would all peak at swearing, but then it declines as one ages. We have to be extremely careful when around children, education starts from home. Just because children swear it doesn’t mean they know what we adults know, but they will repeat the words they hear.

Remember the movie, “Meet the Fockers?”, when the baby says “Asshole”?

I read the adage off some internet site, and I must say there is some truth in it.

If you’re going through a bumpy period, always remind yourself that at the end of it, you will still be breathing. Wounds will heal over time, and you will have an awe-inspiring story of endurance that you can share and probably laugh about it.

The sun will rise, if not today, definitely tomorrow. It’s inevitable!

Our lives is a cyclic process just like a rollercoaster, with all the ups and downs, and going round again. We have good times where we hit a super streak, and sometimes we go through a rought patch and hit rock bottom. This process repeats itself to your last breath.

The onus on yourself is to maximize the good times for as long as you possibly can while reducing the bad times. You have the power to lift yourself up during a bad time, try speeding up your recovery, question yourself on how long do you have to mop and feel sorry.

It’s just as important not to resist the bad, because it gives you a time to renew yourself with vigor to bounce back to feeling good. As painful as it may be, it helps you become human by keeping  you grounded.

This, folks, is a cycle of life. Embrace it.

Living for the Weekends
That’s only 2 days out of 7! 5 days spent at a job that you probably hate already and if that’s the case, find a new challenge! Also, instead of having outings or any other activities only for the weekend, do something on weekdays – exercising, watching movies, basically fulfil your your life before time gets away from you.

Monday Blues
If I had 50 cent for every time I hear someone say this, I would’ve owned both Apple and Microsoft. As it’s the first day of work after a weekend, naturally as humans, we deplore it. However, just like the above point, have an activity that you look forward to every Mondays, definitely consider exercising.

Paycheck to Paycheck
I have been living from paycheck to paycheck. If you’re only doing your job because it gives you a paycheck, time to go! You need a new job with a new challenge. Your current job will no longer satisfy you. Period.

Vacation
If you’re only days of the year is happiness during vacations, you’re living in the future and not in the moment. What I do is to concentrate on the moment, and keep vacations as the ultimate prize of living in the moment. I plan out 3 major holidays per year plus smaller holidays every now and then. Try it.

What’s Next?
Living for tomorrow, i.e. next promotion, pay raise, purchase, vacation and not today. While it’s good to have some future plans, thinking too much will only stop you from living your life each day. Before you know it, you’ve run out of time.

It depends on what type of suffering and at what point do you question the suffering? Suffering as a result or suffering as an action?

I think there’s lots of good that comes from suffering, we learn to treasure our loved ones more, we learn to love more. It also keeps as grounded as cruel as it may be.

I lost my dad when I was only 9, while I have not fully overcome the loss after all these years, I can say that the silver lining is that it built my character and forced me into adulthood much earlier. I became more sensitive to others in the same position.

So, if you’re suffering now, just hang in there, despite all the bad and unfairness that you think the world has conspired against you, there’s some good that will come out of it.

Life’s all about fighting battles, the difference between a fighter and a loser is when you throw the towel.

I have to admit, I have done that a lot in the past, not so much these days. I always wondered how some of my friends hit the jackpot while I’m still trudging away making ends meet. While I am aware that it’s unhealthy, I used it to energize my motivation to improve myself. Yes, so they say life’s not all about money, but money’s makes life a whole lot of better.

I know that can’t always control how I respond but I probably need to learn to distinguish when it’s my own issues getting in the way. I am in the process of changing my perspective – work in progress, improvement too.

I also realized that some people spend above their means, so while they may exhibit a rich lifestyle, they are also amassing debts the size of China.

There will always be someone in our lives with a larger bank account, bigger house, bigger car. Should it bother me enough to care? Then it hit me. Wealth has nothing to do with class or values despite the pretense of society’s views.

I’ve read a few blogs who like to show off their spendings and even list the prices to show off, for them to feel good of themselves, to gain acceptance from their peers. I wonder if they realize that they’re just making themselves look foolish – a cry for attention.

As a summation, I believe successful friendships are people who share the same values and view of what makes a good friend and nothing else. You can be wealthy but are you truly happy? Can money buy happiness? A conundrum no doubt.

I think it’s an extremely delicate question to answer. On one hand, you want to monitor to prevent your children from being influenced by negativity, but on the other hand, if you do, you’ll stunt their growth to become adults to face the real world.

I help keep an eye on my wife’s nephews and nieces, and also on my uncle’s son. As internet become an integral part of our lives, I’m sure parents would rather close an eye than to wonder about their children’s online activities.

Sure, you can check what they do by looking at the browser history or set rules on what to follow and which sites are inappropriate. But, rules are there to be broken. You can also install a parental software, where it scours the internet for references to your child’s name, from Facebook, to Twitter etc.

Should You Spy on Your Children's Online Activities?

You will however affect the trust for sure, and you may think it’s for their own good. Again, it’s a subjective matter, my nephew and nieces’s activities online is not harmful, but it’s not ideal either, seeing them wanting to love.

Unlike those days, I used Facebook and Twitter and blogging when I’m at an adult age. Think of your children, because whatever they do now creates a record of who they are, and their lack of judgment will affect their reputation down the line. I saw a 12 year old girl’s Facebook when I was investigating, and in her info, were all curse words, and also all about herself – bitch, backstabber, untrustworthy.

If I’m in the same situation in the future, which is highly likely, I would probably befriend my children on Facebook, or get them to show me their messages every now and then. After all, it’s a judgement call as parents. It’s one thing monitoring your children, but it’s another thing trying to keep them from attracting negative people, even befriending strangers and running away from home for the promise of love, which is nothing but someone else’s dirty fantasy.

I shall come back to this topic a couple of years down the road, to revisit. I would probably be equipped with enough experience to share ideas and thoughts with others.

I’m a firm believer in this as I clearly draw the line between work and play, and there are no grey areas. Some of us take our free time for granted and do not protect it at all cost. When you work, you work, when you’re off, you relax.

It's Important to Protect Your Non-Work Time

Sure you will say you will not earn extra income or get you promoted but it will make you a happily balanced person. You may think, “If I slog now, I’ll see benefits in the future.”, but as our needs and wants grow, this statement becomes repetitive until the day we die.

Don’t answer if it’s a call from work during your off days. Do not sabotage your rest by working on your rest time. You will soon realize that money isn’t everything, and time is extremely crucial, and hopefully by the time you do realize, it’s not too late.

A Daily Must-Read Mantra of Life

This is a reminder that life’s just too short to be petty. Take 2011 by the horns and power through to greater heights. Happy New Year 2011!

There are various ways of humoring people around you.

I used to have put-down humor like the English, but over the years, this has toned down, as I realize it’s nothing but a devious way of criticizing others through teasing and ridicule. After putting them down, you quickly say, “Just kidding”, to avoid responsibility for saying what you say. I stay away from that type of humor these days.

I’m probably more the bonding type person, where I try to lighten up everyone’s mood around me. I just love turning strangers into friends by reducing the tension in uncomfortable situations. I know one thing’s for certain, I try not to take myself too seriously, and just basically laugh at the craziness of life. I think all of us need to practice that regularly as the present stress levels is unlike those levels in yesteryears, as it’s now a rat race dog-eat-dog world.

Another good testament to my sense of humor style is this website. So, what’s your humor style?

Sense of Humor Style

After breaking up, I moved back in, but immediately saved enough moolah to acquire a property of my own. A new relationship in the form of Mel came calling coupled with a new career, the decision to move out indefinitely became much easier.

Living on Your Own

Here are some stuff for you to consider before you decide to move out:

Budget
Can you afford to move out? There are many commitments like rent, utilities, bills, car payments etc to consider, and even smaller unexpected expenses that can creep up every month. Groceries, cleaning supplies, toiletries, food – well, just about everything. Prepare a budget document to determine your cash flow.

Buy or Rent?
I’ve touched on this subject before. I believe in the beginning, rent first as it’ll give you a good indication to test the waters. Sure, owning a home is beneficial, but it comes with a lot of costs too – taxes, maintenance, improvement expenses. Rent first.

Do you set unrealistic targets for them, and anything less is considered unacceptable? I wonder if parents are aware that this poses a threat to the children, if they are not perfect, they will not be loved. Do you know how crazy is that? It can have an unwanted impact on your children – they could be destructive, and depressed.

Perfectionist Parents

Parents should not expect their children to be perfect, the kids can be perfect in areas that they care about, and this area should be encouraged. Unfortunately, we live in a society that adores perfection to ridiculous levels where being good is no longer enough.

Some parents think that if they force perfection of our their children, the kids get excited when they achieve the standards set, unfortunately, the reaction is otherwise, the children become more relieved instead for NOT being a failure. Imagine if they fail, you think they would be disappointed or they would be mentally devastated?

Parents, what are your thoughts?

Now, we have bought a few recycled shopping bags and carry those around with us in our cars, to take it out when we need it for grocery shopping.

Come, let us be more proactive in taking care of mother nature, for the sake of our future generation.

That’s why I fully support the Penang and Selangor government, both run by the opposition, who have implemented “No Plastic Bag Day” around certain days of the week. I hope the whole of Malaysia follow suit and charge RM0.50 per plastic bag every day of the week. This would be a good start, baby steps to save planet earth.

Stay Away from Plastic Bags!