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Couples Living Together – A Pre-Marriage Test
It depends on the couple. For me, it is a pre-marriage test. If you break up after living together, it’s a good sign of failure. Better now than in marriage life. It’s a part of my process from separating the potential ones from the bad. There is nothing wrong with being selective.
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Also, living together does not mean that marriage is imminent, it’s more like living together with no real strings attached, or simply a trial marriage.
Anyway, before you decide to live together, you both need to be on the same page about what you’re actually doing. You can’t be thinking it’s a trial marriage while your partner is thinking it’s no strings attached. You need to have the same understanding. That will eliminate all of those “he used me” whining a year from now.
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You’re right, communication is important to ensure both parties are on the same page. The worse thing for a relationship is not understanding what each other want.
I agree it’s a pre-marriage test!
I’ve lived with my girlfriend from the moment we started dating. To the point where the lease was under both our names. Basically we shared all the responsibilities of the household together, learnt to live and complement our habits.
2 years later, living apart feels empty, but at least we know, when it comes to that point. We’re just a paper and a joint bank account away from actually married and we’re fine with that.
The most important thing in a relationship, married or otherwise is communication. If that is lost, then all else fails … My humble opinion.
It can be said as a pre-marital test but I view it as a “backdoor”! An escape route. If it doesn’t not work out, at least we are not married. Still can go separate ways.
Commitment and communication is key. Even without staying together, if the couple is committed to each other and committed to make it work, no matter what issues come up, they will stay together.
Someone once told me, “Whatever you do, DON’T move in with your partner. It will wreck everything!”
Somehow.. I think it’s true..
To me, its indeed a pre-marriage test. You get to know your partner better and learn to give and take. Will help you to decide whether to move on with the person for your entire life.
I think its good to stay together before marriage. At home he/she is a different person! we might or might not like what we see when staying together. so better safe than sorry. That’s what i think. But of course, communication is crucial.
“You can’t be thinking it’s a trial marriage while your partner is thinking it’s no strings attached. ”
This is so true.
I think the most important things are love (of course), respect, understanding and communication between partners, whether they live together before marriage or not.
cc – Exactly. And I feel living together before marriage helps to address that, whether we’re compatible for the long haul or not.
Monica –
High five!
Edrei – You’re living apart because of commitments?
Nick Phillips – Spot on Nick.
Pebbles – Exactly. Pre-marital test is like an examination of your life together. True, but staying together brings about a whole new side.
ethel – I disagree. Don’t listen to that someone. It’s moving in with your boyfriend actually gives the relationship a GOOD test. If it doesn’t work out, better now than a divorce.
Just – Spot on too. It’s a learning process to see if you’re compatible with each other.
Regina Cassandra – High five Regina! My thoughts exactly.
earthy emily – Yes, hence it’s important to get that out of the way before moving in.
osindak – True, but these days, those are just ideal thinking and not really about the real world. We all want our happy endings, but it takes a lot of hard work and tests. Even love can’t save relationships.
well,that’s not surprising that people is used to this living together thing.. he he, just keep it off the priest… he he, and if she can stand your daily habit of doing what every men does…i.e peeing in the shower, digging nose in front of her and so on and so forth… i guess… no problem. a good way to start that other commitment. hehe
I would say, the best is to have inidividual nest. Popping over each other’s place on & off and have the privacy to oneself when needed.
She has to work in Malaysia and I have to finish my honours in Australia. Before this, it was pre-marriage bliss.
Oh I totally agree, though our parent’s generation didn’t practise this I think and they are happily married too (well, of course not all, but there are some success story)
But I’m into the living together before marriage thing. It’s as good (or as bad, depends) as marriage. Hmm… maybe, this is even better than the actual marriage. Those legal papers do put some strain in a relationship…
Living together before marriage is a good test. In fact, don’t get married, just live together is fine. Why all the trouble?
clement – The priest? You’re right, he’d probably be jealous and then leave the Catholic church to join some protestant faith, like those pastors. LOL.
Bibendum – That won’t work. Unless when you marry, you live by the same rule, stay in separate accommodations.
Edrei – Good things come to those who wait. Hang in there.
Faiez – I think previous generations can’t be compared with the current one – different stress levels and higher competitions. But yeah, living together is a good testament to whether you can stand looking at the other person’s face for the rest of your life.
foongpc – True true, but for the sake of legality, and to make lawyers in this world rich, we need that. LOL.
Moving in together is indeed a good idea cause once you get married you are so used to it already ;-p
Better start off early rather than moving in together once you get married then that’s where the disaster happens…. no turning back after that ha,ha,ha…
But yeah communication is indeed very important I must agree…
At first you’d be thinking you’d rather live alone.. then after that you’d feel you can’t live without and being alone…
Olie – Correcto mundo.
It’s not easy when you first move in with your partner, there is a lot of things that you will not normally see like the way he doesn’t put the toilet seat down and he leaves his cup in the sink or other stuff. It might seem small, but is small things like this that can ruin a relationship.Minor arguments that lead to a fallout. But as you get used to each other, things kindda of adjust, falls in place..Now that I’ve moved to KL, i feel a bit empty..like what Edrei says…It’s like something is missing…I miss it..Its not always heaven…no doubt but its real…its life..and if you can deal with it..living together that is..how do you get married and spend the rest of your life together? I agree with you…its a good test…very good..