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Abusive Men are Cowards!
Obviously, it’s not a general statement nor it is to presume that all men hit women. When, IF EVER, is it okay to hit a woman? If you were attacked by a group of women, would you defend yourself? Recently, I came to learn that a college friend of mine went through torture in the hands of an abusive barbarian. Evidently, a certain denomination of northern Indians are notorious for battering their women.
“….this slipped disc.bastard XXXX used to whack the hell out of me and kick me. yeah…well….he used to get drunk,punch me,kick me etc…and his punches were damn bloody hard n painful.it was as if he was hitting a guy.but i couldnt do anything bout it then cos i was scared he would do something to my dad n bro.If dad knew he would have beat the living daylights out of him but then the asshole would have retaliated by doing something to dad.i am sooo happy now.but that was like 8 years of mental torture,physical abuse etc….”
Hitting a woman, especially your loved one, is UNACCEPTABLE. Men, if you find that your woman is getting on your nerves, or done something deplorably wrong, WALK AWAY. Tell her how you feel, and go release your frustrations on a punching bag and NOT her. Don’t be an idiot like that guy my friend described.
Ladies, if your abusive partner starts isolating you from his friends and family, and then go on a mental rampage of destroying your belief in yourself, making you feel helpless, it’s time to leave the bastard. Get out of the relationship before it affects your well-being. I know you’re afraid, but it’s the only way out.
that’s deplorable, Daniel!!!!! I mean, what your friend described. Actually, there are other forms of abuse that can be classified as ‘unacceptable’ as well. The less obvious form which is ‘emotional abuse’. I personally know friends and loved ones (and myself) who had to go through emotional abuse without realizing that they were abused. DEPLORABLE!!!
i also heard lots of story of woman being abuse no matter it is a wife, helper or workers. man also have its share of being abuse by their wife.
yes, its hard to imagine a person can abuse his/her love one. but when talking about abuse there are no more love in his/her heart.
let not just limit abuses to only domestic problem but more on generalization such as to women, children and animal. lots of things happen and need to be aware of.
Men who abuse their partners physically and emotionally are not men at all. If my partner were to raise his hand at me, he’s out. There’s no such thing as begging for forgiveness after that, because if you do it once, you’ll do it again.
This applies to women too, who abuse their partners, physically and emotionally. Ladies, if you wanna punish your men, max out his card on shopping :p
IMHO, ppl who abuse are just ppl who want control. And they can be men/women. Mental/physical abuse is just one way for them in getting it…or so they think.
Whatever it is, get out of that relationship (be it work/marital/pre-marital)…. fast! That person ain’t never gonna change..no matter what they promise!
hell no!! if a guy was to hit me, i’ll make sure he won’t see to live another daylight!
girls must learn to be independant!!! hehehe
agree.. but there are times when you need to do so.. it’s self defence.. never slap your wife.. it’s a taboo!!
I wonder what they’re thinking when hitting their wife.. oo I forgot.. they’re drunk.. they don’t think clearly.
girls must learn some self defence. some of the men didn’t know any self defence.. all they have were just mere brute force.
Never ever hit your wife. Never!!!
Especially if she already your child’s mother. Never!
There are always two sides of a coin. One hand clap will not make any sound. There are physical, mental and emotional abuse.It is easy to judge others when you are on the outside .Life is not that simple.
You can tell yourself that you will not abuse others or physically assault any women. This is youthfull idealistic thinking. One day when you are in their shoes or under those extreme conditions of provocations or challenge,will you be able to handle those situations?
I dont condone violence against women but some women just dont know where to stop and bring it upon themselves.Everybody has a breaking point.We are no God.
Dont just blame the men . It is also the women’s fault too.Not all women are angels….and men saints.
men who beat up women owe not to be called men but wimps, there is no justification of any sort or reason to hit the woman you claim to love… nor any other woman … except ( for shemale or butches )
animals like that should be thrown into a vat of boiling oil or better still in a lake of hungry piranhas
I have a lot to say about wife-batterers, and drunks who do it, but shall not do it here, except to say that they should be rounded up and beaten halfway to death by the toughest, roughest, stinkiest, drunkest goondas from Sentul – on a daily, unexpected basis – since its really impossible for them to see the light of day.
the last comment by myperodua – correct me if I am wrong – but alcohol does not necessarily cloud one’s judgement but if anything looses the inhibitations we have to allow what we honestly want to do and feel. I may be wrong.
Therefore, a prick hitting someone when drunk is really a prick acting out what he feels deep down inside.
But having said that, it is easier said then done to walk away from an abusive relationship – like what Daniel’s friend described. It was fear for her loved ones that kept her there, and the guilt should he hurt your loved ones, hangs very heavily on your head. I am not justifying this – but there is a bigger picture here.
And I agree… physical is one form. Mental and emotional is worst… and that does more harm.
And the worst reality is, not only women are getting abused, men are as well – by women.
so, cookies to nibble huh (my version of food for thought)?
But seriously, if you know anyone who is in this issue, don’t force them to walk out just yet… understand the situation and encourage them to speak to someone and be a support if they ever need a shoulder. Do not judge just because she didn’t throw the prick out the window the first time he laid his hands on her…….. Help her to be a survivor and not further victimise her just because she is not doing what you think she should.
PS… sorry… but another long winded comment, but this has a poignant place in my heart for many reason.
^__^
marsha Yes, emotional abuse, I forgot about that, got caught up with my friend’s message, made my blood boiled.
jefferi Agreed, but I’m singling this out on purpose.
Tine Exactly, though it may work both ways, again, I’m focusing on the aspects of men. Credit card maxing? LOL.
mott Agreed, get out, and fast, or suffer.
huei Yes, a guy must learn to control his temper, irrespective of how the woman made him feel.
iphonebeep Self defence is another issue.
myperodua It’s nothing to do with drinking.
xazuru Yes, but why should they in the first place defend themselves from their so-called “LOVED ONES”?
papajoneh Agree!
Laura Wow, there are 2 sides of a coin? LOL. It doesn’t matter whether women are angels or not, it doesn’t give men the excuse to hit them. Full stop. Sorry, but life is that simple. I’ve been in that extreme situation, but I walked away. It’s about learning to control yourself, else you’ll just be like any other criminals on the street.
Lucifer Yes, NO JUSTIFICATION. ZERO!
Keropok *HIGH FIVES*
coffeerox Yes, it’s not easy to walk away from an abusive relationship, I agree. But one MUST at all cost, speak to someone or ask for help, it’s not easy, but it HAS to be done. In no way I’m judging her for not walking away any sooner, what gave you that impression?
ps: mentioning alcohol.. it is in no way a reason to justify that judgement or thinking has been clouded. back in the airforce i’ve tried and been subjected to get real pissed drunk till you get to craw…. but still i clearly aware and in control of what is going on… hitting your wife or girlfriend because of being drunk is just the lamest excuse a coward can give…
i agree to what Keropok said… the animals who bits up his woman should be rounded up and beaten halfway to death… over and over again
My 2-doors away neighbor is an alcoholic. He scolded and abused his wife and children. Currently his wife and children are staying with the wife’s brother. Police even visited their home the other day. Things got out of control. Pity the wife and children.
hey my dear, I didn’t say you were judging her lah.
it was a gentle reminder to everyone when faced with such things.
I personally wanted to get in a million tonne truck and run specific ppl over a few times over and over again. then get out of the truck and stomp on the innards or brains. but… not my choice to make. not my truck to drive……
so, no… am not directing at you ok… can you put that hoki stick away now?
please?
^__^
oh PS… the hoki stick thing… don’t mean to insult the seriousness of this post – just spoke to a kid I know who was commenting about kids and gangs in schools and how they fight with hoki stickts and helmets – tunjuk macho and gang fights and all….
oh darn! I think I just made this situation worse!
I am very sorry… this whole thing just came out wrong……
no offense intended……
These types of situation is why I always end up writing about women or men needing to be strong and not end up turning into an emotional masochist.
How do some end up in these type of relationships?
It’s not usually nature..it’s nurture.
Lucifer Yes, drunk is the lamest excuse. NOT JUSTIFIED.
Che-Cheh My goodness. That dude needs to get his brains checked.
coffeerox LOL, okay, just so we’re clear.
And no, I don’t carry hockey sticks with me, just a book about love and relationships. 
Your comments are no offensive whatsoever, keep throwing ‘em in. 
Rudy Spot on once again, it’s nurture and not nature, so NO EXCUSE whatsoever in hitting someone. ZERO!
Seriously though, I have been in a situation where me and two neighbours and 1 security guard had to intervene and man-handle a very, very ‘high’ guy who was beating his girlfriend in the bloody car park of our condo. Guess what happened? Both the guy AND the girl started attacking us instead?
So we back off, and fearing something was seriously amiss (can’t believe we were still bothered enough to help this stupid girl), we called the police. When they came, the girl was denying there ever was a fight!!!
The guy was taken away anyway, but only because he was too high to drive. Maybe I now understand why she was trying to defend him (perhaps fearing future repurcussions, or wanting to avoid washing dirty linen in public), but to refuse immediate help when available is just plain dumb!
another disgrace to the male species. How can a guy really hit a woman, not to say punch, i wouldn’t even scold any woman, not even my gf eventhough she’s wrong or pissed me off. The most is just WALK AWAY as you said and come back to her few days later or when everything has cooled down
In the twenty years of being together with Mrs Wombat, not once have I hit her, although one time I came this close ( 1 inch ) to doing it during a very bad meltdown but sanity prevailed so I swing my fist into the wall instead and ended with a bloodied knuckle.
So I do believe husbands who beat/abuse/torture their wives are the scum of the Earth and should be shot in the knee caps and stomach and left to rot with no medical attention. A person done that way can take 3 days to die.
As for those who do it to their children…. well, they don’t really want to know my plans for them.
heya daniel,thank you for bringing this issue up.it does work both ways (guys hitting girls and girls hitting guys too).this just is unacceptable.and sometimes, no matter how hard you try to leave or talk to people about it, it does not help.All i can say is, we need to find the ‘right’ people to talk to.people who really care and people who are not biased.there r not a lot of these kinda people out there,sadly.some people think that the person getting abused should just walk out and end it there n then.but it’s not that easy.we don’t know what the bigger picture is and what mental torture the abusee is going thru.stopping him/her from leaving at that point of time.they could be trapped due to threats carried out. i know a friend who was going thru this same thing and in the end, she got so fed up of all the physical abuse and mental torture that she broke everything in his house and punched the guy and then he started stalking her and still wanting her back, and so she lodged 2 police reports.the police thought it was amusing and called the guy for a confrontation eneded it with a warning to him.the guy on top of that is a lawyer, and wasted no time in stressing that point to the police.well, the girl has changed her number since, but she has heard that the guy or should i say animal is still trying to contact her eventhough he is married ( to a distant relative) and has a child. there is no end to sickos in this world.
I knew a guy who was abusive to his wife…. after many incidence his family(parents) advised him to get help… It was more of a mental thing because even if he was not ‘high’ he still had the urge to abuse …..took him a long time but with therapy and encouragement from his wife and family he has managed to keep his anger and emotions in control..
What if the woman itself is “inviting” the man to hit her? You know how some woman are.. irritating, they drive you up the wall with their choice of words, action etc. And when this happen, man tend to lose their temper and the woman could use the excuse of “Eh, you cannot hit a woman remember?”
Well I’m not saying I’m against the saying that men shouldn’t hit women. Sometimes the situation might push the man into doing what he did. There’s just 2 sides of the coin, you see…
But yah, I agree.
If your man is abusive, leave the hell out. Don’t bother packing too much or you might not be able to run away from him!
thanks for writing about this. i’ve had friends who has gone through similar beatings before as well as others who, even though have experienced less physical violence, go through emotional abuse.
being told that you’re no good, you’re worthless and constant put downs start to sound believable if you hear it enough and when coupled with physical abuse, it just adds up to complete break down in one’s outlook and self worth (if any at all) resulting in a life lived with constant fear.
cindy: i don’t think that there’s any reason at all, however ridiculous or unreasonable to strike a woman. sure, we men ridicule each other and even exchange some friendly banter and punches with each other, but that’s just how some guys are sometimes. but when it comes to dealing with the person you can say you love and care about, but yet display such acts of violence, what does that then say about this man who supposedly loves you?
dan: i agree with you that abusive men are indeed cowards in every sense of the word as they display their own personal fears and insecurities through acts of violence. It’s sad when you know a victim of such violence as there’s only so much you can do sometimes. i am glad that you friend has now left that abusive relationship and is on a journey towards healing herself.
Keropok That is sad, maybe in her back of her mind, if she stands up for him, she won’t be attacked that much in the future. That’s just plain ridiculous.
yipguseng But don’t always walk away from an argument that needs to be solved.
If you realize that you’re losing control, then please do.
Wombat I was drove to that point once, I picked up my mobile and wanted to flung it, but within a split second, I realized what I was doing, and through a book instead. LOL. Seriously, there is just NO excuse. And let’s not start with abusing children – that’ll turn me into Hulk.
melanie Yes, it’s definitely not easy to walk away, that’s when your family and friends will stand up and be counted. The way that bloke resorted to threats to wipe out her family simply shows he has an IQ of a toilet fly.
Mo Like Rudy said, nurture. A man must always control his emotions, it’s what differentiates him from being a criminal.
cindy No such thing. 2 sides of the coin, 3 sides of the coin, it doesn’t matter. ZERO EXCUSE.
brandon Emotional abuse is as bad if not worse. I felt helpless when I read her message to me, cause she was asking about my annual migraine attacks and what I did to overcome it. She gets migraine attacks more frequently that one can imagine because of those slipped disc on her back. I’ve never been upset like this for a long time. Arrghh – somebody find me Barney the dinosaur!!
Any form of abuse is unacceptable. And only cowards abuse women physically, because they have no GUTS to settle it like a man.
I think, under whatever circumstances, a man should never hit a woman
Giddy Tiger Yes, I agree!
xin Spot on!
Hey Daniel!!!! I have Barney the dinosaur…bought him few months back. And when u squeeze him, he will sing…’I love you, you love me, we’re a happy famileee………..etc’ Heheheheh.Baby Barney!
melanie Come come, bring it over…*LOADS UP A GUN*
I think calling abusive men/women coward is generalizing it too much. For sure there are abusive cowards, but I’m sure there are also those who are genuinely having problems controlling their feelings, hitting being the result of an uncontrolled rage.
And by saying that there is no excuse to hitting is ignoring the fact that this behaviour could be a genuine mental problem that could be helped with treatment.
I’m not defending abusers and I do have huge sympathy with those abused but I think there are two victims in this kind of relationship.
Jewelle Hmmm, you have your points. Yes, there are smoe with genuine mental problems, but, the lawyer guy my friend described, I know him in person. So, unless he keeps his genuine mental problems in his turban, he does not suffer from it.
I’ve been in a mentally, physically and verbally abusive marriage for the past 10 years and I’m finally getting out after hitting rock bottom. I lost my job, we’re about to lose our huse and all the coward likes to do is party and not come home until the next morning nor does he call or answer his phone. Common sense would tell you he’s cheating or up to no good, what is he really doing? All I know is his behavior is unacceptable. He doesn’t respect me, love me and I can’t trust him. Of course it’s my fault for all of his actions. I thought by having children maybe he would turn over a new leaf, not so much. He partied before kids, during my pregnancy and after children. He thinks that woman should shut her pie hole and know her place, work, take care of the children, take care of him, take care of the house, tolerate his abuse, take care of everything and stay home while he’s out partying. He’s portrayed to his family and friends that he’s this wonderful father and husband but I no different because I’ve lived with the coward for 10 years.
I truly believe he’s a “socio path” because he has many of the traits a socio path has.
I’m so disgusted with him. I’m trying to be amicable about our divorce but he wants to continue to play mental games and make everything difficult. He’s still trying to control my mind and intimidate me and make me feel weak and helpless.
I have a new job now and I’m gaining my self respect back. Now if I can just get this divorce over with and provide a much healthier and safer environment for my children. My children are my world and they are all that matters to me.
Sometimes it truly does take one to hit rock bottome to realize they need to get out of the abusive relationship. If you have children, get out now especially.
Good luck!
“keep his mental problems in his TURBAN!!”….Daniel, i actually nearly choked to death laughing when i read that.HEHEEH.(I also know this guy we r talking about as we all went to college together).but i think he has other things filled up in there like, ‘rape’ (he actually tried to rape a friend of mine according to her), ‘Theft’ (stole money from his own cousin..and im talking like hundreds),even selling ‘what ur not supposed to be selling’ to drug addicts. Oh screw him!But he has a daughter now.And i’m not being mean or anything, but everything IS karma…..
i totally agree…my mama told me once before that it starts with just a slap n soon the man will find something worst n things dont get better at all. if he can hit u once, he can hit u time n time again.
so if i were in that situation, no matter how hard it would be, i’d definitely walk away, no turning back at all.
Yvy: And the worst thing that can happen is (whether in movies or in real life) that in most of the cases, the woman refuse to do something about it, always saying that he will change, he will come to his senses etc etc. Sure, he will, just as the sun will rise in the west.
Let a woman beat you up but NEVER beat up a woman in turn for revenge & anger or for what ever reason. Beside our punches on your chests arent that painful at all ;-b.
maybe past experience made them be like this? a female whom they despise? an aunt? a sister or even their mom or an ex-gf? or of how they were brought up in a battered family, constant beatings from a brother or father? pressure/stressed with working lifestyle? so the ones closest to them gf/wife becomes the victim of being the punching bag for them to let out their surpressed feelings? have you ever wondered to be in the minds of these phsycos? of why they did it? what where they thinking? *shudders*
D Kudos to you for taking control of your life. You have my respect.
melanie The doot will have it coming, what goes around…as evil as it sounds…
Yvy Yup, and my momma brought me up all by herself, probably that’s what I got huge amounts of respect for women. I’ll chop my hands off if I ever do.
Wombat That is true too. Perhaps it’s our human nature to try to see the best in people. Hmm…
Oliee Whatever it is, there’s NO justification of man hitting a woman.
personally, i had a brief bad taste of an abusive bf. That was about 5 years ago while I was fresh out of Uni. Oh yes, he tried his damnable best to hit me but I stood my ground firmly! Told him “hit me and you’ll be sorry” He failed to hurt me physically but had to make do with constant mental and emotional abuse. In the end, I chose to walk out. My life is more precious then wasting it away with a scumbag.
WanderingSumandak I’m glad you did moved on.