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An Idiot’s Guide to using SmartTAG at Toll Plazas
An idiot is defined as a person of subnormal intelligence. As many as they are in the government, there are also many on the road. What was once a privelege, has now become something every Tom, Dick and his balls could use. And that’s where lies the problem. I know that this is the government’s aim of encouraging drivers to use SmartTAG or TouchNGo, but I think the government need to form a new committee, ISA (Idiots SmartTAG Anonymous), to tackle this issue.
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Or even better, send them to Taiwan for a month, to learn about using the SmartTAG system and to learn to plant corns. They would come back, hopefully as better SmartTAG users, and as better pop-corn makers. A win-win situation!
OK, for you dumbfucks (you know who you are!), here’s an insight, though it might be too intellectual for your lack of brain to comprehend, but I’m gonna give it a go anyway. Here’s a simple idiot’s guide to using the SmartTAG system.
Step 1
Check for brain. If there, then make sure brain is fully switched on. If it isn’t there, then you won’t be able to comprehend this anyway. You’re an idiot.
Step 2
Take out your SmartTAGs at least a good few seconds before you reach the toll plaza. Don’t worry, the novelty of showing off that you have a SmartTAG has long gone together with showing off your fugly Toyota Vios’. You’re an idiot. Nobody gives a kambing’s ass.
Step 3
Wait for the vehicle in front to exit the lane first. If you do not know how to tell that, look up, there’s a light indicator. Green is GO. Red is NOT go faster. Let the vehicle in front pass the gate first, or wait for the light to turn red before you drive through.
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Step 4
If you do not survive Step 3, then please either take the bus or be a rempit. If the pole comes down and blocks your path, that either means you’re a colorblind toilet fly or you have a fetish for vehicle butts. Either way, you’re an idiot.
Step 5
Now, look behind you through your rearview mirror. Yup, that’s me with a golf stick coming over to you to show you how pappadoms are made. You bloody pappadom you.
Walla! The SmartTAG jams are because of your idiotic behavior – it’s such a regular occurence these days. Please, don’t be monkeys, we’re no longer a third world country, except parts of Kelantan.
Nyahahahaha I loved this! Bloody pappadoms.
There’s another species of road idiots that should also be recognised: PEDESTRIANS who always think they have the right of way. *picks up golf club*
Haha! This is a very funny post! I like that you invented a new term for ISA and the word “bloody pappadom” is so freaking funny I couldn’t help laughing out loud!
Btw, I think your 5-steps guide is too difficult for idiots to understand lah. LOL
good one! so many idiots on road and causing unnecessary jams! annoying indeed. make them all into papadum pls!
And that is why, I sometimes find it easier and faster to use the Touch’n Go lane instead of Smart tag, even though I have a SmartTAG.
Must observe from afar already to see how the traffic flow is at these SmartTag lanes. But I suppose if you are immediately behind such idiots…then just your ass luck for the day lah.
But thanks for this…it was really funny. *LOL*
What about the dumb ass who doesn’t realize that you have to top up the tag with money and when the bar does go up, he keeps waving the darn tag thinking that it will magically open until the toll lady comes up to him and shows him his tag is RM0.25 balance!!!
OMG lol XD
Oh god, I’ve never laughed so hard on a dummy guide. You said it best Gallivanter!
Yeah..some of the road users are just plain stupid..! have you seen a stupid driver who use touch n go card but went to the smarttag lane instead??? lagi lah bodoh!!
Melissa – Yes, pedestrians who think that they are ghosts. You see the problem, they believe their ghosts even before their death. All this is Scary Movie’s fault.
foongpc – Idiots SmartTAG Anonymous – copyright.
Too difficult for idiots to understand? Hmmm, *mulls over the thought of writing the Dummy version*
xin – If we turn them all into pappadoms, then it will devalue the uniqueness of our pappadom government.
Anand – Correcto. I do that too sometimes, SmartTAG users do not seem to be too Smart, must be Liverpoo supporters.
Nick Phillips – I haven’t seen that kind of dumb ass in action, though I had someone confessed to me today about this. My entry’s specifically for ass-loving drivers like Anwar. LOL.
massy – Welcome to KL.
cc – Hopefully someone from Parliament sees it, and then get the police to throw SmartTAG users into ISA, make the roads a better place.
kaDusMama – TouchNGo user going into SmartTAG, hmmm, this sounds a bit like a case of cunt-fused identity.
HAHAHHAHA LOL!!!!!!!!
cunt-fused?? ha,ha,ha,ha,ha. I had such a bad day today and yet I Thank you for posting this up.. so blardy hilarious! you pappadoms you! LoLs… recently I followed a friend and he has forgotten to take out his smarTAG and hafta ‘gostan’ abit… lucky no car behind us. Aiyooo…. and NO I didn’t distract him in any way ok… ;-p
Daniel, you got me rolling on the effing floor with this one, man! I’ve never seen so many flowery words coming up in your blog before. Frankly, this is the first time and it’s farnee like hellll!!! pappadoms….ha ha ha ha ha!!!
tihtahpah – You encountered pappadoms too eh?
Olie – He must’ve been tits-tracted. Dirty bugger. LOL.
marsha – Yeah, it’s my first venture into sarcastic vulgarity. Don’t think it’ll be the last, thanks to Malaysia! How do you know that hell is funny, you friends with Saddam?
Hahhahahahhaha! So funny, nak terpappadoms aku gelak!
Eh.. oh ya…. maybe so. Blame my wardrobe collection… *sigh* ;-p
Faiez – Jangan tu, pi hisap weed sikit…:-P
Olie –
Hahahahahahahaha this is hilarious!
charlenediane –
LOL…LOL…OMG! i wonder those smart tag would ever make an appearance over here across the South China Sea and we would have a totally different story
margaret – We would need to rename it to DumbTag to make it more marketable.