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Who Handles Breakup Better, Men or Women?
Relationships. A wonderful conundrum of incongruity. Some end with brawling, some with tears, some with kickass make-up sex (amen!), and some end with flying utensils. Breakups are fuglier than Malaysian football.
Some relationships aren’t meant to be, so a breakup before walking down the aisle avoids alimonies and keeps the lawyers poor. Who handles breakup better then? Women or Men?
Based on my experiences, I think men go through worse depression and anxiety than women do. They put on a camouflage to look as tough as a nail, but actually, they’re full of gelatin inside, cloaking the pain. We just can’t deal being hurt, so we take a little longer to seek closure.
Women on the other hand, cry like there’s no tomorrow after a breakup, hence they face it head on, thus getting it out of their systems earlier. Also, I’ve noticed, that women, have a larger network of shoulder-to-cry-ons for consolation compared to men. Men keep it suppressed inside, and 8 months later, after a fourth Flaming Lamborghini, they confess to their buddies that all they ever wanted was to get back with their ex.
We hate starting over. The initial exhilaration of meeting future prospects end like a whimper after 6 dozen dates, as reality hits that it’ll take a long time to reach the level of comfortableness that a man has enjoyed with his ex. That’s when the drunk dialing starts. LOL.
The problem with men is, we take a whole lot longer than women to recognize that intimacy and closeness sets the cornerstone of a lasting relationship, and not sexual escapades.
So, the answer to Who Handles Breakup Better? WOMEN.
i agree with you that we women handles breakup better than men.. one real life proof is my ex bf. he broke up with his first love and was so devastated. i guess he really doesnt know how to deal with that feeling that he fooled around other girls feeling after his ex, sadly, i’m one of the girls he fooled…it was a painful experience though…
but hey, i’ve seen my bestfriend (a guy) cried his heart out to me when he broke up with his girlfriend.. you guys should not really hold back your feeling inside for too long.. it’ll eat you up later…
the stronger gender is always better at handling matters of the heart.
Yup, it’s women. We like to get it out of our system ASAP and move on! ;p
i know some of my male friends like to come across macho and that matters of the heart is no biggie. Like changing underwears. But the truth of the matter is, male or female, we are creatures with immense emotions. Just that women are more expressive. we whine, and bitch and cry and all… at least we DEAL with it. All the ‘I am a man and real men do’t cry’ is shite…
One of the things about men that are an amazing turn on for women is the ability to go all macho and protective when there is a cockroach in sight and yet get all soft and lovey when you see a baby or not afraid to tell your gf about what really is bothering you… even if it is something stoopid like your football team losing the FA cup or some shite league match. Women lost the right to whine about things like that when we chose to whine about our broken fingernails and missing a very important vincci sale…
* thus endeth the epistle*
yay!!! women’s better!!! =P
priscilla The problem is we mix it up with ego, and think it’s a macho thing to do among men, to not show your weakness. I was in that mode during my first relationship, but then I learn it’s better to face it head on, which I did in my last relationship.
tihtahpah Okay, if it makes you happy.
JACQ Somehow, men think that crying is a sissy thing to do, well, it’s a good avenue to release the pain, but of course, don’t over do it like Tobey Maguire of Spiderman – now that’s a wimp.
coffeerox I think as men age, we do learn to deal with it. I did.
huei Well, generally, when it comes to this, yes, the women win.
I’m waiting for some feedback from the men.
Yup, you’re right. Women in general are more adaptable than men.
did you learn it then ? hehe
Yay! Women!
The last time my bestfriend broke up with her bf, we went clubbing. On the way back, she cried like there’s no tomorrow. The next morning, she got her grip back and it’s like that guy never existed!
Can men do that? Ehehee..
So does that mean women are cold creatures and we have our license to go around fucking and breaking their hearts ?
Great post. The same question can be asked about divorce. The media (movies etc) would have us believe that the man would get up the day after and get right down to business with the next woman he finds in the bar while the woman is pictured as all wrecked and heartbroken at home. There was a study done once (I forgot the link) that shows that statistically, men are more hurt by breakups than women are, especially when the custody of children are involved. So in that sense, yeah I think women handle it better than men if you define ‘handle’ as getting history off your system.
I’d say women get to handle breakups better, the just flick a switch and its like you’ve disappeared from their life in an instant…(it’s speaking from expirience) hell you get to see her even on a date a week after the breakup.
we figured out a long time back that tears help n keeping emotions in wont do anything good – you need to let the hurt out – men like you said figure it out only after a certain age – after they moved passed the stupid men don’t cry macho thingy
actually men are more sensitive then women – but they just like to say it otherwise – we women just let them since we know the truth
but then it goes by the person as well – I know men n women who never let go their first love n go on screwing up all their other relationships
having said that – a men who cries too much is a no no as well – it has to go by the situation
we so don’t like tobey kinds ;p
Funny you should ask because recently I was dumped by my bfren, due to my mistake, which made him very angry. He did not speak to me for 4 days . I kept smsing and calling because to me communication is so important to resolve any kind of conflict. He finally called after 4 days, still pissed off. I, on th other hand was calmer having sent all the smses regurgitating my feelings, had my cry, did have a shoulder to lean on and a gfrn who was encouraging and sympathetic. Had my drunk nites and had let it all out. Had also witnessed another very awful side of broken relationships this week when a fren’s gfren went beserk on him and flung things and hit. That was bad. As well as another incident when a gfren thought her partner was cheating on her and was so upset and angry that she drowned her pain while smsing him and finally he came to get her and took her home and he was as stressed as she was. They resolved their issues. Women get the emotional aspects out of the way quicker than men who like to brood and want to be “manjah-ed”….. by the time they realise what went wrong it’s too late. Women get over it faster and move along quicker than men. Though both don’t handle it very well….. women handle it better!
This is very true. And yet at the same time if something went wrong on a relationship, they can grow as cold as winter. Something we guys are unable to fathom.
Hit the nail on the head! Women are not cold creatures but because of they allow their systems to detox (crying & talking about it with friends), they tend to recover faster. Not cruel but God built us this way mah….who’s to blame?
Sha Err, not talking about adaptable, but more about the affairs of the heart.
cely Yes, that I did. I think we are all “blessed” with egos, but as we age, we mature. Not all men do by the way.
cindy WOW, an overnight recovery? She must’ve not loved him.
Shadowfox Cold creatures because they allow themselves to break down faster then men? I don’t get your point.
Bryan Thanks. Well, I don’t think it’s the media, but it’s the MEN behind the media who portray us as Herculean. My definition of handle is seeking closure.
Lucifer I’ve seen that happened, but it doesn’t mean that she’s forgotten about you. Else it was never love to begin with…
visithra Yeah, I don’t deny depending on ego to get me through the first breakup. Yes, we are sensitive creatures too, but of course NOT AS WIMPY as Toby Maguire.
Lorraine Branson Nicely said. And it is a fact, though some men will go to the ends of the earth to deny that.
Jase Lee Well, the inability to fathom women makes living worthwhile. Yes, I’m a sucker for pain. LOL.
marsha No, of course women (in general) are not cold creatures.
actually i think the one initiate the breakup.. that’s the one who can handle it better
Great post! This is definitely publish-worthy :p
clement Nope, I disagree. It doesn’t matter who initiates the break-up.
sabrina Thank you thank you, I just made more men enemies.
Err.. I think it all depends on whose court the ball was in? I mean, if a girls wants a break up (say, if she found a nicer guy), she wouldn’t cry her eyes out after breaking up, would she?
after reading lucifer’s comment. it got me wonder.
can the switch be flicked back on once it’s off?
i’d like to say yes but at the same time reality says no. what do you think?
pelf Well, I suppose, but then doesn’t sound like a REAL relationship in the first place. More like insurance? I’m talking about real relationships, and not puppy love.
CincauHangus Yes, it can be switched back on, but why do you wanna do that? Cause chances are, it’ll trip again. Long run, it’s pointless, you either need to re-wire the circuits or move to a new place.
dont think so.. think it’s a balance thing… it all depends on the manner of the break up. no hard and fast rule to it.
zewt I suppose, but in general, the women handle it better.
for me i couldn’t handled it better.. i suck at breakups.. did mistakes i should have never done.. m still learning but atleast now i am wiser ;-b . You can say women handled it better, we are the master of disguises. ha,ha,ha. but deep inside who knows…
depends on situation ler. but men i think usually initiate breakups coz i guess they get bored easily by our constant nagging.. ha,ha,ha,ha… its not nagging.. its caring. men just misinterprete it ;-b
Tips : When men are down, they need some quality time ALONE. so when he doesn’t call, let him be. Don’t constantly look for him and prevent him from having time on their own. If you do, he’ll be irritated and pissed off and the next thing you knew, he’ll say terrible words that’ll hurt you more (in which he didn’t realise but then regret saying so later) After awhile, after thinking, recuperating etc etc. He will eventually be on his feet again. Just hope that he’ll be in touch with you. If not, move on. Men will be more irritated if we women kept calling, wailing, begging.
Women in the other hand needs validating and re-validating of men’s feelings towards her, every now and then. Once is never enough.
Sorry but i think i’m way out of topic now.. ha,ha,ha,ha… i think m suppose to write under the topic ‘how to prevent breakups’ LOL… or ‘the Don’ts in a relationship’.
I am a female that was just dropped kicked last week after dating over a 1yr 1/2 and I believe all of the comments made are pretty valuble points. My ex is all ready to be freinds cuz he had time to prepare for the breakup. Calling and texing to see if I am upset and asking ?’s to help him feel better…like do i still love him. Needless to say I am not there yet, but assured him i will get there and only time can heal the matters of the heart. So I believe it varies cse by case ..regardless male OR female. Only if you allow yourself that time to move on, instead of faking and trying to replace the pain with a vice or another human being.
Well my boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago and Im having a horrible time with it. I’ve been crying for 3 weeks straight and having anxiety attacks. I’ve talked to him a couple times and he seems fine, like its no big deal to him. Were both in our 30′s and to be honest I dont remember ever feeling quite so bad over other break ups. I remember getting over them a lot faster than this one. Maybe because I love him more than I have ever loved anyone and that this happened so suddenly and I was not expecting it and he never really gave me a good reason to why he wanted to break up. Im female and IM not getting over this very quickly at all and I don’t feel like Im going to anytime soon
Any advise??
Recently I had to let go of someone in my life… and I was tyring to find meaning into the whole situation which led me to an article…
PS… Please note that the article is actually taken from a Christian-based website. Sorry, but I am not trying to spread any religious ideology, but just that the article is very well written and ‘real’ so hope you will be encouraged lah…
http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/
Hi Kim,
Sorry to hear that. Your post was sent Oct last year, are u OK now? I do hope so. I am not sure if I am in the same position, but I miss my guy best fren so much it kills. We used to hang a lot together, I meant a lot and lately he has been confused. He wants to go out with other people, and I think he should since I can never be with him, when he did, I told him its best we dont meet again coz somehow my heart couldnt take it. And now, we dont talk/sms anymore.
I wished its all a dream but then, its not.I miss him terribly.
I dont think he misses me at all but here I am, crying my lungs out every night. Whats wrong with me? I am feeling so down, I cant focus at all
Hi Starry Eye
I’m doing so much better. I still miss him sometimes but it passes quickly. It takes time, it really does. My therapist told me to embrace the pain and then move on. It does help. Meeting new people helps and having good friends around to support you. I will pray for you to get over this quickly. Take Care and hope to talk to you soon.
Kim
Hi Starry Eye.
My email is klrodman@aol.com. Talk to you soon
It’s been a while since anyone has written on this but I just came across it tonight and I’d like to post my experience.
I am a male on the verge of being 29, and I just broke up with my girlfriend 1 1/2 months ago. After 9 months, for some reason we stopped talking to each other. I kind of felt that there was a disconnect before hand, so I was not that suprized when things went bad.
However, subsequent to the break up, I was an emotional mess. I had problems sleeping, I forget to eat meals, I think about calling and asking her to come back to me, I cry, I often admit my pain to my friends, I try to think of only her faults, I confronted her at a bar, I had occasionally texted her, and I listen to self help books on tape…
Similar to Kim, for some reason this was a very hard break up. She was my world, and we had a great time together. To see it all end was more than I could handle.
My perception is that she has forgotten about me.
And I realize how sensitive I am. I want to love and be in love. And I am sad that I am alone. And to think that I will not have a gf to be with me on my birthday really bums me out.
But each day I get better. And I still have my friends to hang out with. And loads of old friends who I have found on facebook want to see me. And I am becoming more sociable, because I have a strong desire to meet new people, and a strong desire to find a great girl.
I think men don’t have as many experiences as women in the relationship, so I agree that women handle breakups better. Also, many women have been with men that just use them. Guys really never experience that. I’m sure you women get tough skin from those types of situations. And women do have a better social network. It’s easier for women to find themselves in a social enviornment where they can meet new people and find new relationships faster.
So men I say to you this. Be more like women. Allow yourself to have closer friends. If you find yourself in a break up, tell your friends. They will want to help you. Go out and find strangers to talk to. Work up your self confidence. Realize you can’t change certain things. Getting yourself out there is tough, but you can do it. If you work hard, you’ll realize you can build yourself up. And if you can build yourself up, you’re on your way to bouncing back into another great relationship.
Since the break up I have had several dates. Nothing has worked out unfortunately. But I feel that every date builds me up. I use these dates as a means to flex my personality. I try to charm people for the heck of it. I know something will shake out eventually.
Be proactive (not reactive) and expand your circle of influence!
I will be notified of followup comments so if you wish to respond to my post please do so…
Chris,
Did you break up with her or did she break up with you?
Also, do you want to get back with her still?
We both stopped talking to each other. I sensed something was wrong; lack of intimacy, we saw each other less, she came over and promptly fell asleep on my bed Valentine’s Day…
I’ve dated other women since with a great deal of success, but I still miss her. In fact I after 3 months, I still think about her almost daily. I’ve shared great weekends with really great women since, and still have found myself longing for her on Sunday night.
However, through all the pain, I have found solace in that I am more outgoing and I’ve had the opportunity to meet a lot of really interesting people, learned more about myself, and done some really interesting things that I may have missed out on had I remained in my last relationship.
It’s all good-maybe in another few months I’ll forget about her all-together. My friend is having a party this weekend-think she’ll be there-so I’m going to skip it… I think seeing her would suck my heart of my chest.
Wow first of all I definitely agree with some of you guys about publishing this. This is a great way to express feelings we dont normally ask the opposite sex. Secondly it’s very interesting how there’s actually posts of the guys point of view here. I was once in the process of trying to get over my exbf. I thought it would be easy because I was the one who packed up and left. I fell in love with him right after a couple months and we actually lived together. The first 4 months was a mess. I couldn’t stop thinking about him even though I was seeing someone else. We were only together for 6 1/2 months but it felt like it was years. So much great things happened and so much bumps on the road as well. But it’s almost a year that passed by after the break up and I’m definitely better than before in terms of not reminiscing at night and crying about what could have been and what would have been if we were still together. But at times I catch myself thinking about where he is and what he’s doing. Sometimes I just wonder does he still think about me as much as I think about him. I know that sometimes there’s just that lingering feeling of the care and love for the other person. I know that I’ve moved on with the relationship that I have now but there are random times that he stops by at work or texts me out of nowhere. I don’t know anymore. Love is complicated….
Honeymoni, you sound very mature and it seems like you’ve handled your breakup quite well. Furthermore, despite you being a woman and I being a man, we have had similar emotions. Although I see other women, I reminisce on my last girlfriend, I cry sometimes, I wonder what she’s doing, I hope she’s safe and being loved, and I often imagine what it would be like if she came back into my life romantically.
I believe that handling a breakup well isn’t dictated by gender, but rather by experience. Experience has helped me to cope with all the strong emotions I’ve had. It’s also helped me understand her feelings and helped me realize the importance of respecting her thoughts, wishes, and space.
Wow, I’m glad that the comments are still coming in, it’s nice to know that others think of this topic. Great stuff guys, thanks for commenting.
I am in love with a man that I had been seeing for 7 weeks. I overreated to him not returning my call late one night and I ended it via email. It hurts, but I am moving on. I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I am thinking about him. If he just CALLED me and told me that he wanted to talk to me, I would be there in a heartbeat because I LOVE him. It hurts me that he hasn’t called.
wow.. its great seeing all these inputs from guys and girls. i broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago and it was a horrible break up. he said some really mean things as well while i was grovelling with him right after the break up. of course, after that he betrayed no emotion and still up to now whenever we bump into each other he would quickly look away and avoid me. i still think about him all the time but at least the tears have stopped and heartache somewhat diminished
i wish there was some way we could try again but i just don’t know how to crack this wall around him. lol.