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Mixed Marriages – Choosing a Child’s Religion
All religion preaches goodness, but, interpretations introduce a whole new hoopla. If you’re both from different religions, how do you choose a child’s religion? Do you actually impart religion on them or rather let them grow up without any religious guidance and let them decide on their own?
If you’re thinking about the latter, think again!
Religion is there to keep one’s faith strong during the tender years, and if mom/dad are from 2 different religious backgrounds, think how this would confuse the tender minds of our children. Sure, the selection of religion, must not be forced upon, but do you actually believe children are adult enough to make a decision as big as this?
If you think you’re doing your kids a favor by leaving them religion-less, and exposing them to many religions when they’re young, might work, you’re being short-sighted in your approach. Kids are not matured enough to decide for themselves. Besides, you don’t need to expose them to various religions as they are already exposed to it thanks to society.
But, they must have a religion to lean on and if we as parents cannot impart religion to our children, there is a high chance of them being wayward. It does not really matter which religion, as all religions preach good and there is no supreme religion contrary to what some imprudent people may preach.
As parents, and guardians of your children, you should not opt for sitting on the fence and being politically correct when choosing or opting out of religion. Decide on their behalf and let them figure it out when they become adults whether they want to remain or found another calling.
Obviously the above does not apply if you’re Islam, well, not in Malaysia anyway.
My belief is that children should be brought up under the common religion of their parents.
When they are old enough as in 21 y/o to decide, they can go for whatever religion they feel is good.
Yeah, I agree with you on all ur points, and yes.. my opinion is not applicable in Malaysia sadly.
Bro,i might stand to differ from your points of view,i guess fundamentally i would teach my children about the values and the good practice of man,instill in them what makes a good man.
Beside,i believe my boys should be given the liberty of choosing the faith in the correct manners.
You see,my boys got confused recently with the torching of churces happened here,when they asked when this was happening, sadly i could only say this to them.”It is not about God, it is about the man and the values that comes with those men”
Thank for sharing,bro…. Values such as tolerance towards one another, loving one another are among the values we should instill in our children instead of hatred.
i think i can let them decide which way they want to go on their own when they grow up, before they are adults, they can just follow my way
To me belief and faith is important and should let our kidfs know about it. It’s how we teached them that shaped them. I’ve think about it since two years..and for this time, all I can say is.. teach and guide them..but let them decide when they grow up
Reality: Many have a stronger belief in coloured plastic and notes – MONEY. It seems that majority are drawn it. Many tell me,”The gods cannot buy me a house for shelter or feed me when I starve but money can.”
Religion is essential also to establish morality and behaviours desired by parents in a child. But u certainly are right about not forcing religion upon a being.
Msia is the only country to force religion upon their descendants. If they didn’t then a certain race/religion would soon be the minority.
I think that more important that teaching them the difference between both religions is to teach them VALUES. All religions preach the same values and if the child grows up with good values, I’d say you have done a great job already.
Cyril – Yup, but if 2 parents are from different religion, try to find a way where the child does not end up at the losing end as both parents might, just might argue at some point.
eugeneung – Values and being spiritual are 2 different things in my humble opinion. While they may have their values, but if they are spiritually confused, it does not help to interlock the values to them as they are growing up. There are a lot of temptations out there.
xin – Agreed – that’s how it should be because children are too young to be able to decide for themselves.
Alv0808 – Exactly, let them decide only when they become adults, and not before. You may think you’re doing the right thing, but you’re truly not giving them a foundation to stand on.
Pinknpurplelizard – Correcto mundo.
Sherry – It is easier said than done. Is there a 100% guarantee that at some point in life, both parents enter into a religious argument? If it’s not 100% guaranteed, then why teach both and confuse them further. Yes, the elements of goodness, as I mentioned too, are the same, but the nitty gritties are different and a tender mind will not be able to make sound judgments because of it.
i personally think dat it is highly irresponsible to let the child hanging between two religions. Be it Islam, Christian or others. Its unfair for the child to be in such dilemma. Parents shudnt get married if they decide to choose diff religion. The foundation of the marriage shud be based on the same faith they have on religion.
this was an issue when i was way younger and in a relationship with someone of a different religion. it was one of the reasons why the relationship couldnt work out. we couldnt decide what religion our child would follow if we got married n had kids – may have been extreme at that point seeing how young we were but thank goodness, at least i was matured enough to see further down the road!
a bit off topic but the gist of it is pretty much what u have mentioned. pinknpuplelizard was spot on!
I’m a good example for this. Not only my parents have different religion but they are also of different race. So I grew up in multi-racial and multi-religion household background Anglican, Catholic, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Taoism and so on.
My mom is Christian, my dad is Buddhist(by the name only, he more like which ever aspect is acceptable in whatever religion he will adopt it and not the fussy kind, be it Christian or Buddhist).
My mom had been singing Christian children songs to us, tell bible stories to us when we are young but never insist that we must be a Christian as those were what she knows, she grew up in Sunday school, that’s why. We never go to church until we are older.
When I was young, I just followed my relatives to the temple just to play and hang out with my cousins but I never like the temple coz of the smoke *LOL*. Then when we are older, we go church following our friends or some Christian relatives also just to play and hang out.
Basically we are given the freedom to go anywhere we want and to believe what we want. At the end, it’s up to us to decided on which we want to choose, they never get themselves involve in this matter. My parents even told us that if we are to choose to be a Muslim, they won’t mind also.
However, for filling in official forms, my parents would encourage us to fill in as “Christian” rather than “Buddhist” if we haven’t decide on which religion we’re going to follow. It’s actually my dad’s idea, I don’t know why hahaha… At the end, it’s still up to us.
I would say, just let them discover it themselves so long it’s not some “ajaran sesat”.
Learning about a certain religion doesn’t mean the person will end up being in that religion and there is nothing wrong in learning more. Just treat is as an extra knowledge. That’s what my parents always said. It’s just for knowledge and a good way to understand each others especially in this multi-racial country.
Couples should also accept and respect each other religion rather than imposing their own religion to each other else better don’t be together at the first place. As long that you don’t do bad things and it’s not “ajaran sesat”, there is nothing wrong at all.
I’m glad my parents are very open minded.
mimi, yvy and irene, thanks for your thoughts. I’m a little weary today to reply, but Irene, your comment is proof once again that there are exceptions to the rule, and it’s too few and far between based on my experiences seeing the families around me.
I’ve noticed among friends who grew up in mixed religious backgrounds that they were usually allowed to follow both religions freely… and not forced to pick any. At the age of 29 and 3/4 now, most of them seem to be rather grounded people as opposed to being wayward… (well, the few that I know have never been jailed before)
I suppose it’s not necessarily religion that makes you a good person…
interesting piece of post you have there . i reckon religion is like a lifestyle. as you walk this journey of life and are aware of more things in life somehow or rather somethings gives you absolute peace in your heart.
Interesting topic bro! I agree that we shud be aware of this bt nowadays people are just dont realize how important the reliogion is! Well done bro! I love ur blog.. awesome!
TerraShield – Yes, but religion does play a role, one way or another.
ruthz – Errr…
Shirley – Thanks